Arre O Sambar: It's Potty Time Folks

Posted on June 23, 2005


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JUNE 23, 2005 – NEWSPAPERS TODAY ARE FULL OF HOW INTERVIEWING IN CHENNAI has become almost like ragging. Apparently, there’s this one guy on the panel who repeatedly confronts the interviewee to see how much stress he can take, to ensure that the candidate can handle a job filled with pressure situations. And I wondered – why don’t they simply mix some laxative into the candidate’s coffee and observe how he handles that other (and far more explosive) kind of pressure situation?

If he rushes into the loo unaided, without a book, without a crossword, with nothing to engross him during the gross-out moments ahead, then you may as well replace the toilet paper with an appointment letter. That, ladies and gentlemen, is championship material. If life’s a game of cricket, he’s the captain of the team that plays against the rest of us. He’s the man who clean bowels, er, bowls us, while we struggle with the… runs.

By “we,” I refer, of course, to the rest of us losers to whom trying to do the job without reading material is like getting hold of the remote control while everyone else is watching Kolangal. It’s a great thought, but it’s not going to happen in this lifetime (which is about how long Kolangal is scheduled to run.) We may as well come out of the (water) closet and confess: Of the three S’s of a man’s morning, the second (“shave”) and the third (“shower”) take all of five minutes. (Wallow any longer in Chennai’s brackish water, and vital body parts may begin to rust.) But it’s the first – and it shall remain unnamed, for the benefit of all the six-month-olds who are reading this – that makes us really, uh, anal.

We first have to find a book without long chapters. (Why do you think the magazine is called Reader’s Digest? With its bite-size articles, it’s the perfect Read while doing something Digestion-related.) It could also be the crossword. (Ever wondered why 12 Across is cracked in a blinding instant in the loo? Because you’re in the same position as Rodin’s Thinker.) Besides, why else do they have those darned G-8 summits? If they didn’t happen, there’d be no news to report, and without that there’d be no newspapers, and if we’re already done with Reader’s Digest or the previous day’s crossword, there’d be nothing else to take into the loo, and we’d end up constipated and cranky, and I, for one, think the world would be a much poorer place without the three R’s – reading, writing and letting it rip.

Not for nothing is the act referred to as answering “nature’s call.” (Hey, that even rhymes with “interview call.”) It’s, in a way, a natural selection process, separating those who’ll lead from the front from those who are the backsides. (Hence that title for such achievers in ancient Rome, Gluteus Maximus.) That’s why a job interviewee shouldn’t simply be asked what he reads, but where. If the candidate can face the john without a Grisham in hand, I say there’s your future CEO. The throne awaits him.

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Posted in: Humour