I KNOW WHAT YOU’RE DOING THIS SUMMER
Watching movies, of course! So here are ten big films to go with the popcorn.
MAY 21, 2006 – Mission:Impossible:III
What it’s about: Philip Seymour Hoffman takes off to Kansas to track down details of a grisly crime… Uh, sorry, that was Capote. Here, Tom Cruise takes off to (insert eye-popping global location here) to track down the villain played by Philip Seymour Hoffman.
Why you should be excited: Things explode. Then more things explode.
Why you should be afraid: The last time Tom Cruise performed gravity-defying stunts, he almost broke Oprah’s couch.
X-Men: The Last Stand
What it’s about: Everyone’s favourite mutant heroes find that their former colleague Jean Grey has risen from the dead, and that her resurrection could cause an apocalypse. The only thing that can save the day is a cure that will eliminate all genetic mutation. But are the X-Men willing to give up their special powers?
Why you should be excited: Lots of new X-Men – Beast, Juggernaut, Multiple Man, Quill, Psylocke, Arclight – and that means lots of cool, new special effects. Besides, that Halle Berry sure kicks up one hell of a – heh, heh – Storm!
Why you should be afraid: Did you understand a word of that plot?
What it’s about: A hotshot racecar gets stranded in a sleepy, old town in the West. The laidback local vehicles teach the newcomer that life isn’t always about – you knew this was coming! – the fast track.
Why you should be excited: It’s from those wacky Pixar guys, makers of the Toy Story movies and Monsters Inc.
Why you should be afraid: Cutesy, li’l, life-lesson-doling cars? We’re still recovering from the cutesy, li’l, life-lesson-doling fish from Finding Nemo.
Snakes On A Plane
What it’s about: FBI agent Samuel L. Jackson is escorting a criminal on a flight, when those who want the latter dead let loose a crateful of poisonous snakes.
Why you should be excited: Fanged reptiles in mid-air? It’s been a while since a plot outline sounded this deliriously cheesy. Just imagine the groaner possibilities! A snake lands on the glass in front of the pilot, who exclaims, “Hey, it’s a windshield viper!”
Why you should be afraid: How many ways are there to watch people die of snakebite? I mean, it’s not as if a rattlesnake is going to pump bullets into the guy in seat 3-A!
What it’s about: Miami detectives Jamie Foxx and Colin Farrell go undercover as they try to expose a network of dope dealers.
Why you should be excited: It’s directed by Michael Mann, who was also the man behind the eighties’ TV show this once was. Besides, as Heat and Collateral proved, no one does the angsty action movie better than this director.
Why you should be afraid: Gong Li plays Farrell’s romantic interest – and the last time she landed a plum role in a big Hollywood production, we got Memoirs of a Geisha.
Lady In The Water
What it’s about: Paul Giamatti rescues a mysterious beauty and discovers she’s actually a fairytale character who’s accidentally strayed into our world.
Why you should be excited: “A film by M Night Shyamalan.” These have become watchwords for anyone interested in pure genre cinema. After all, who was the last mainstream director you associated so closely with a particular kind of movie? Alfred Hitchcock? (No, sorry, George Lucas doesn’t count.)
Why you should be afraid: Shyamalan, of late, has begun to write himself into corners in order to satisfy audience expectations of a trick ending. Hopefully, Giamatti won’t wake up at the end of this movie with the bedtime-tales book he was reading from to his kid and discover it was all a dream.
What it’s about: It’s a remake of the seventies’ Gregory Peck horror smash, where the actor adopts a cute little devil who turns out to be… The Devil.
Why you should be excited: A hanging, a decapitation, at least one gruesome impaling… What’s not to like!
Why you should be afraid: When the original version came out, horror films were a rarity. Today, the genre is such a staple, the ante is being upped with every release. Won’t an audience used to body parts being graphically severed in Saw giggle at a pint-sized mop-top trying to glare them down?
What it’s about: Superman returns to Earth after a while and finds he’s been forgotten faster than a speeding bullet. Even Lois Lane has a new boyfriend! In fact, the only one who seems to remember the past is longtime nemesis Lex Luthor. It’s a bird, it’s a pain…
Why you should be excited: After the first two X-Men installments, we know director Bryan Singer can be trusted with superhero material. Plus, there’s supposed to be footage of Marlon Brando as Jor-El (from the first Superman movie with Christopher Reeve).
Why you should be afraid: Flying as a special effect is soooo seventies. So will they make this a relationship drama instead? “Who will Lois choose? The father of her out-of-wedlock child? Or the single guy with the buff-bod and that ultra-cool bachelor pad in the North Pole?” Stay tuned.
Pirates Of The Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest
What it’s about: Captain Jack Sparrow (Johnny Depp) has to repay a debt to Davey Jones. (Yes, that Davey Jones!) And he enlists the help of his compatriots from the earlier movie – Orlando Bloom and Keira Knightley.
Why you should be excited: Johnny Depp can do no wrong.
Why you should be afraid: Sequels to movies based on theme park rides have never been any good. For instance… er… Hey, has anyone ever made a sequel to a movie based on a theme park ride?
World Trade Center
What it’s about: Nicolas Cage toplines Oliver Stone’s version of the true story of John McLoughlin and William J. Jimeno, the last survivors rescued from Ground Zero after 9/11.
Why you should be excited: It could be another Titanic – the recreation of a disaster that proves big stars plus big technology equals big entertainment.
Why you should be afraid: It could be another The Towering Inferno – the recreation of a disaster that proves big stars will act in anything for big bucks.
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