SUPER TROOPERS
Our soldiers get the rah-rah treatment in a sluggish message movie. Plus, the unremarkable love story of two… dogs.
OCT 26, 2008 – WAS THERE SOMETHING IN THE WATER SUPPLY in Salim Khan’s home that has resulted in a peculiar affliction in his sons – some kind of delicate skin condition, perhaps, that requires the upper body to remain uncovered as much as possible? Over the years, we’ve made our peace with Salman Khan streaking through his films with his torso covered with muscles and little else, but now, Sohail Khan (who plays Samir in Samir Karnik’s Heroes) appears to have picked up the bug. In an early scene, Samir is about to do the deed with Amrita Arora (who, by the way, happens to be the sister-in-law of Sohail’s real-life brother, Arbaaz; just saying), when he discovers they have no protection. So he pulls on a pair of boxers (which, I guess, in Khan-speak, translates as clothing perfectly suited to go shopping in), hops on a motorbike and heads to the pharmacy. There’s a perfectly unmemorable song that follows, and Samir is shirtless in that too. Now, Hrithik Roshan showing off his carefully sculpted body, I can see the womenfolk responding to. But is there anyone who wants to see Sohail Khan go topless? (Or Vatsal Sheth go bottomless, for that matter; the actor, who plays Ali, recycles the gag from Friends where Ross pulls off his leather pants and finds he can’t pull them back on.)
As such, the opening reels of Heroes are excruciating – going after comedy and finding none (at least intentionally). After that, things get marginally better, as spoilt brats Ali and Samir embark on a road trip to gather material for their graduation film about why not to join the army. And the instant this plot development is put across, you know where the film is headed – Ali and Samir, of course, will discover several rocking reasons to join the army. As they meet the people the slain soldiers have left behind – a wife (Preity Zinta, who’s good), a brother (Sunny Deol, who isn’t, but then what can he do with a role that requires him to fight some twenty men while bound to a wheelchair, pulverising floor tiles with the sheer force of his fists?), and a father (Mithun Chakraborty) – Ali and Samir realise, among other things, that it’s far more honourable to die from enemy fire than by being run over by a bus. (Naturally, in a film this propagandistic, it doesn’t occur to anyone that a good many people meet their ends in a fairly non-violent fashion, like say, slumping silently in one’s seat from terminal boredom during sluggish message movies like Heroes.)
It’s tempting to think what Ashutosh Gowariker would have made out of material this earnest. Going by Swades – another story of an outsider discovering aspects of his country that will change his outlook and, eventually, his life – that version might have turned out to be a bit of a tedious message movie too, one that bit off more than it could chew, but Gowariker at least knows his way around people. He knows when to close in for the small moment, when to pull back for the grand statement. All Karnik can do here – firm believer in the tell-don’t-show philosophy that he appears to be – is set up stilted situations that lead to much yakkety-yak about army this and army that. There are complicated issues under the surface, like the state of the country today that has (sadly) made us much more cynical about abstract concepts like patriotism, or how, in our struggle to look after our families, looking after our country has become a distant afterthought. But Karnik is content to goose our emotions with melodramatic scenes like the one where a kite that Ali and Samir are playing with lands across a fence, beyond which, they discover, lies Pakistan. (In case we are still in doubt about the monumental nature of this discovery, that borders aren’t just lines on a map but actual physical space, Vande Mataram booms on the soundtrack.) Heroes is so stuffed with good intentions, you want to give it the Param Vir Chakra, the Magsaysay Award – anything, actually, except three hours of your time.
INTENTIONAL OR NOT, THE CLEVEREST CONCEIT in Jugal Hansraj’s Roadside Romeo is the sly nod to our long-standing cinematic tradition of inter-religious romance – you know, of the Veer-Zaara variety. The he-dog (voiced by Saif Ali Khan) is named Romeo, the she-dog (Kareena Kapoor) is Laila. Two immortal lovers of two different faiths from two immortal tragedies – except that, in this case, they wag their tails into the sunset, happily ever after. The second cleverest aspect of this tale of canine canoodling is… um, nothing. As the end credits roll, we are treated to mock bloopers and recording-room sessions of the voice cast having a blast. If only some of that energy and fun had spilled into the preceding two-odd hours, we wouldn’t have been fidgeting in our seats, wondering just what was there in this extremely old-Bollywoodish story – Hero Dog and Heroine Dog have to fend off a Villain Dog (Jaaved Jaffery) who wants to lay his grubby paws on Laila – that made Walt Disney want to pitch in. (Couldn’t they have simply commissioned a remake of Lady and the Tramp?) Some nice voice talent (Sanjay Mishra is a hoot as the villain’s sidekick) and fairly detailed animation apart (Jaffery’s slack-jowled character seems inspired by the Naboo natives from The Phantom Menace), this Romeo was perhaps better left by the roadside.
Copyright ©2008 The New Sunday Express. This article may not be reproduced in its entirety without
Kishor
October 25, 2008
Nice reviews BR. Enjoyed them very much. I can’t understand one thing. Before investing crores of rupees, why don’t they check for basic things like director’s past record and actors’ emoting ability? They are either optimism personified or treat it as a pure gamble.
LikeLike
raj
October 25, 2008
Ah! A dog-duet. Pioneered in Tamil cinema by well-I-dont-know-who, but he certainly pulverised a finely orchestrated Ila Manadhu Pala Kanavu by Raja picturising it as a duet between 2 street-dogs, can you believe it?
LikeLike
kaos
October 26, 2008
Is there a “friendly” appearance by Salman Khan in this movie? Or is that you just couldn’t bring yourself to post a Sohail Khan image and so replaced him with a lesser awful?
LikeLike
Ravi K
October 26, 2008
Its disappointing to see that Roadside Romeo is merely a standard BW film with animation. I may see it for the curiosity factor.
Pixar did the fake bloopers thing years ago.
LikeLike
Shahid
October 26, 2008
Thanks for the reviews Baradwaj. Enjoyed reading your thoughts.
Sunny Deol should retire or move into direction. It’s obvious that directors won’t let him leave his Gadar moment behind.
And I am now viewing Preity Zinta’s career with renewed interest especially since she is no longer appearing in Yashraj movies (for a while at least).
LikeLike
brangan
October 26, 2008
kaos: LOL. Yes, Salman is there in a small role.
LikeLike
Amrita
October 26, 2008
…a role that requires him to fight some twenty men while bound to a wheelchair, pulverising floor tiles with the sheer force of his fists?
BWAHAHAHAHAH!!! And I thought the promos were painful.
And who on earth thought it was a good idea to rope in Saif to voice a toon? Haven’t they ever heard him speak? He’s been trying his best in 2.0 avatar but dropping your voice a register or two can only take you so far.
LikeLike
Gopi
October 27, 2008
Money gone wasted. I mean is it really difficult for a big production house to put money into something original. Atleast in a relatively new medium like animation.
LikeLike
Chaitanya
October 27, 2008
BR,
three things.
1. I do not feel that you have done justice to Roadside Romeo. It is a huge leap forward for Indian animation. I mean, the animations were ‘good’, the story was utterly predictable but it was fun, the level of detailing was surprisingly deep at places, the voices were more than adequate… except a predictable storyline, I did not find anything to quibble about.
And even more than all that, I felt good because the movie was so exclusively bollywoood… I was watching the stuff comparable to the ‘firangis’ in quality, AND it was in Hindi, stuffed with references *I* could relate too… 🙂
2. I am listening to the songs of Yuvvraaj… and it is your Guru music review that I am remembering continuously. These songs are ‘a tad overcooked’ and are ‘soundscapes’, stretched as far as eyes can see. Awesome work by Rahman.
3. This one is personal.
Dude, you are THE best film critic in the country and all, why are you working at New Indian Express? During my brief stint at Chennai, I never once got an impression that the paper was having a formidable reputation…
LikeLike
raj
October 27, 2008
After hearing Yuvraaj, I am reminded of BR’s advice to Kamal – less is more 🙂
LikeLike
raj
October 27, 2008
Chaitanya, I wish someone makes a animation film of same quality as RR in Telugu and references Junior NTR and Balakrishna movies 🙂
(Tamizhla Rajkiran and Vijay Joseph)
LikeLike
brangan
October 27, 2008
Chaitanya: Thank you. But considering that, these days, most readership is through the Internet, I don’t see why the name of the newspaper matters. But even otherwise, TNSE is a respected publication, and they give me a lot of freedom and space — two very important considerations in any job.
LikeLike
Nimesh
October 27, 2008
Reminded me of Anthony Lane that review 🙂
LikeLike
brangan
October 27, 2008
One of the more charming mails to come my way
Hi,
i am a regular reader of your reviews in indian express and have also seen the movies you have discussed so far… As far as the indian youth is concerned, your reviews suck…in fact the reviews you have given 4 or 5 stars have gone down in the box office…and reviews having 1 star having become box office hits…
now coming to the latest review of hero, If you dont like sohail khan and any of the khan family….. why express it in the newspaper…. its not your fathers paper right… if you dont have a good body that u can boast of, come on, let the guys who have it show it… if its bugging u soo much…then ask ur
daughter not to see it…or ur wife if thats the pain in ur ass.. if amrita arora and sohail khan make it out in the movie(and u say that they r real life some relatives)… hey…listen… if they dont have a problem doing it… why on hell do u?? did sohail ditch your daughter?? or your wife??
if u think it is honourable to die by hitting a bus…..come on go and die… go to hell… please… we are sick of people like u… who do not understand the present generation and patriotism is a word which is out of ur dictionary… you can go and lick the shit in the pakistanis toilet…
please resign… i beg u…. you make me stop reading the newspaper even… you are an asshole to the core… and you smell shit… thick slimey yellowish brown juicy shit….
LikeLike
brangan
October 27, 2008
and another, which makes me wonder if both read the same review 🙂
Dear Rangan,
Your review on Heroes was thoroughly enjoyable. If your reviews can give such a lot of entertainment and humour I doubt if the reviewed film ever would. Do you think the standard and quality of the films made in a country reflect upon the general intelligence of its people?
LikeLike
Chaitanya
October 27, 2008
BR, thanks.
@Raj,
Well, one could definitely say ‘less is more’… I definitely agree that the songs are ‘overcooked’… but I see details, and a lot of them…it is like there are multiple layers in that music, you could choose to concentrate on a different aspect of the song every time, and there are many such, to quench your thirst. [I am no connoisseur of music, can’t express all that I felt.]
LikeLike
Chaitanya
October 27, 2008
and there’s that eternal Rahman advise – give it a couple of listens. 🙂
On first try, I had liked only Mastam Mastam, and parts of Shano shano… after listening the songs 3-4 times, I went out and bought the CD. 🙂
A slight degression-
I think that Rahman-Gulzar hit THE pinnacle with Dil Se. The lyrics and the music of those songs are simply unmatched. Both Guru and Yuvvraaj cannot scale THAT height.
LikeLike
ramkumar
October 27, 2008
Hi rangan saab,
Caught ur pic in the first page of IE. Is ur funny bone/ pizzaz quotient only restricted to writing n not in ur physiognomy. While I find everyone in the picture gushin with joy, why do I always find u in such a placid pose as if you’ve jus come out of collective amnesia?? :):):):) i adore your writing..but im not able to juxtapose ur writing and ur face..:):):):)
LikeLike
rahul
October 27, 2008
after reading the above comment ,i request you to upload ur pic on some website may be orkut nd all ,i dont think new indian express is there in hyderbad and keep writing reviews as u write them ,
to tell u the truth ,your reviews esp “jane tu” kind of stuff were much better lessons in scriptwriting than some of workshops i have attened from semior passouts of “top insitutues” of india
LikeLike
brangan
October 28, 2008
rahul: You could have just googled up my pic from this page.
LikeLike
Elizabeth
October 28, 2008
“Now, Hrithik Roshan showing off his carefully sculpted body, I can see the womenfolk responding to. But is there anyone who wants to see Sohail Khan go topless?”
LOL! Honestly, I can do without either of those. I’m not a fan of the “I’ve been taking steroids” look.
Oh and Ross and his leather pants situation was hilarious, only outdone by his stint as the “Holiday Armadillo”.
Chaitanya: “I think that Rahman-Gulzar hit THE pinnacle with Dil Se. The lyrics and the music of those songs are simply unmatched. Both Guru and Yuvvraaj cannot scale THAT height.”
I agree, I love the Dil Se soundtrack. I’m not a fan of the music of either Guru or Yuvraaj.
The Kandukonden Kandukonden soundtrack is one of my favourites from AR Rahman. Same with Minsara Kanavu/Sapnay(Venilavae Venilavae is an especially beautiful song).
Further digression: Are jazz inspired songs the new trend? Tu Bole in Jaane Tu Ya Jaane Na and now there’s Hey Baby in Aegan. Or maybe jazz inspired songs have been abundant and I just missed them.
LikeLike
Kishor
October 28, 2008
Oh no Rangan, I did imagine you to be resembling Aravind Swamy or at least Karthik, but u completely let me down.
LikeLike
ramkumar
October 28, 2008
Rangan Saab, With all respects, hope i didnt offend u with that comment..:)..Keep writing boss.. U rock..!! Hope I get to read a book written by u..
LikeLike
Jahan
October 29, 2008
“Going by Swades – another story of an outsider discovering aspects of his country that will change his outlook and, eventually, his life – that version might have turned out to be a bit of a tedious message movie too, one that bit off more than it could chew…”
AAAAARRRRGGGGHHHH. I love Swades!
LikeLike
brangan
October 29, 2008
After all that back and forth about star ratings, I decided to add a separate page for the same. So in case you’re interested…
LikeLike
raj
October 29, 2008
Jahan, me, too!
LikeLike
raj
October 29, 2008
BR, do you know about that song in Selvi with real dogs?
LikeLike
raj
October 29, 2008
Looks like BR will like Golmaal Returns
LikeLike
Deepauk M
October 30, 2008
Raj: iLamanathu palakanavu. I was listening to it last night and sighing about the fate that befell that song. I think there are some humans involved in the picturisation, as an analogy – LOL!
LikeLike
brangan
October 30, 2008
oh, “iLamanathu palakanavu” was picturised on a dog? Then I must add this song to the few IR numbers that thankfully hasn’t been spoilt (at least a bit) for me by the memory of the images. Now, if only I could go back in time and do the same to Poove sempoove 🙂
LikeLike
Deepauk M
October 30, 2008
brangan: What blasphemy! What didnt work you the Radha Ravi’s subtlety, Karthik’s convincing confusion or the heroine’s graceful dance moves? 😉
BTW poove sempoove is nothing compared to the travesty that is Then Mozhi enthan Then Mozhi in the same movie. What an atrocity!
LikeLike
Jahan
October 30, 2008
Rangan saab, two requests:
•Please do not speak ill of Swades- it truly breaks my heart.
•Remove those atrocious ratings. All of a sudden, I find myself hating all those wonderfully whimsical and subjective reviews that I loved. And going by your ratings, I think you are really bad at rating films on a 5-point scale. Mumbai Meri Jaan with Contract? HALP!
LikeLike
brangan
October 30, 2008
Jahan: Where did I speak ill of Swades? I did think it bit off more than it could chew and I did think it was a little too message happy, but the parts that worked were very good indeed. I don’t hate the film or anything 🙂
In general, just because I don’t praise a film to the skies (or don’t raze it to the ground with contempt) doesn’t mean I HATE (or, conversely, LOVE) it. Most films evoke some sort of middling “I liked it despite the negatives,” or “The positives couldn’t make up for my dislike of the film.”
About the ratings, it’s just there because some people wanted to know about them. You can choose to ignore tha page, you know 🙂 About MMJ and Contract, if I were grading them on an American scale, I’d give the former a B- and the latter a C. But here, it’s all lumped into the “average” category. I really don’t know how to fix this, and again, feel free to disregard the page.
LikeLike
Aditya Pant
October 31, 2008
BR: Poove Sempoove was my initiation into the wondrous world of Ilaiyaraja’s music. It was introduced to me by a few of my classmates, and it had me hooked. Many years later, I happened to watch it on TV, and boy, what a disappointment!
LikeLike
Jahan
October 31, 2008
Hey, was just kidding about the Swades bit 🙂 – but I do hate it when people call it ‘preachy’ or ‘slow’. I love it just as it is and IMO, it’s one of the finest Indian films I’ve seen… I’m very, very protective about it.
http://passionforcinema.com/in-defence-of-swades/
LikeLike
Jahan
October 31, 2008
You could fix it to an extent using **1/2 and ***1/2 ratings, na?
LikeLike