THE COOK, THE CHIEF, HIS LOVER & HER SISTER
Akshay Kumar’s latest action-comedy is overlong and overstuffed, and yet preferable to the standard Akshay Kumar action-comedy.
JAN 18, 2009 – IT’S BECOMING INCREASINGLY APPARENT, with each passing year, that Bollywood today is populated with a raft of writers obsessively weaned on the masala movie. I’m not talking about pompous, masala-wannabe outings like Ghajini, which take themselves so seriously, you’d think they’d set out to recreate King Lear. I refer to the true masala movies of yore – the ones where scenes of comedy and drama and action jostled together for space and were integrated in such a rudely slapdash fashion, the logical viewer would end up with whiplash while tracking the course of the narrative, moment to preposterous moment. These weren’t the efforts of filmmakers so much as flimflam-meisters, determined to hoodwink an undemanding audience with a procession of vaudeville vignettes (or closer to our culture, nautanki items).
With the gradual arrival of directors who grew up worshipping Hollywood and European cinema – all that depth, all that meaning, all that gravity, all that class – the disreputable masala movies (namely, our grindhouse fare) died a well-deserved death. But absence, clearly, makes the heart grow fonder, and these writers today, despite their relative refinement in matters of cinema, appear to miss the tawdry pleasures of their childhood. And because we’d laugh them out of a living if they attempted to revitalise those moribund filmmaking traditions, they’ve devised a workaround that requires, above all else, the tongue to be pressed firmly against the cheek. They make masala movies that wink at masala movies, gleefully getting their hands dirty and yet distancing themselves from disrepute with hipster layers of ironic detachment.
Nikhil Advani’s Chandni Chowk to China is so crammed with nudge-nudge memories from the masala era that you could entertain yourself simply with a guessing game about the various references. Isn’t the device of Deepika Padukone playing good-and-evil twin sisters a nod towards Sharmila Tagore playing good-and-evil twin sisters in An Evening in Paris? Isn’t that why the evil twin here is named Suzy, which was the name the earlier evil twin went by? And when Suzy also goes by the nick of Meow Meow, is it a jokey dig at the French actress Miou-Miou, who perhaps fanned the adolescent flames of one of the writers? And maybe, like most young lads from a certain time, they were fans of Zeenat Aman as well, for what else explains the invocation of chanchal-sheetal-nirmal-komal?
The “Dancemaster G9” gadget is no doubt a tip of the hat to Mithun Chakraborty (who plays a smallish part here), but could the archvillain’s name (Hojo) hark back to, of all things, the Mandrake comics? (How cheeky, then, that the antagonist is named after a chef in a film where the protagonist is a cook.) And how could anyone who grew up in the seventies not see that Hojo is played by Gordon Liu, who burst into our consciousness as the awesome star of The 36th Chamber of Shaolin? And how could a fan of the earlier James Bond adventures not chuckle at Hojo’s choice of weapon (a killer bowler hat) and the cheesy-nifty gadgets like a Chinese-to-Hindi translator? (As this device is introduced, a roomful of scientists burst into a song along the lines of the eighties’ Bajaj ad that went Jab main chhota ladka tha.)
The big question, however, is whether memories alone can make a movie – and the answer, based on the evidence of Chandni Chowk to China, would have be, well, perhaps every now and then. Because between all the nostalgic nods – my favourite is a throwaway shot of a father and his estranged daughters, all in the same frame, all blissfully unaware that, as in a Manmohan Desai production, reunion is but a shout away – there are stretches that are weighted down by a distressing amount of dead air. The problem isn’t the shambling plot – some cheerfully lowbrow hooey about a cook (Sidhu, played by Akshay Kumar) navigating the titular journey upon being mistaken for the reincarnation of a Chinese warlord-chief – but Advani is a curious choice to direct this material.
The director knows his way around romance – he fashions a sweet little moment where Sidhu demonstrates the toughness of his newly developed forearms by hoisting his girl (Deepika Padukone, surely the fullest figure that’s ever been poured into a cheongsam) as she picks flowers off the tallest of branches – but he isn’t quite as adept in establishing the frenetic air of slapstick silliness needed to sustain a high-concept lark of this nature. Akshay has a hilarious bit where he’s reduced to dancing in a series of varying styles (for various hit songs that must have tickled the writers’ fancy at some point) and Ranvir Shorey (as Sidhu’s sidekick named Chopstick) runs away with a huge laugh involving an in-flight overhead compartment – but when the gags don’t measure up, there’s nothing for the actors to fall back on.
But despite these reservations, Chandni Chowk to China is far easier to endure than the standard, dumb, noisy Akshay Kumar vehicle – something like Singh is Kingg, which would never dream up a bit as borderline-surreal as the one where Sidhu’s mentor exhorts him to apply his culinary skills in a martial-arts showdown. (The line is hilarious: “Kaat daal saalon ko gaajar-mooli ki tarah!) As I left, I wished the narrative had been tighter and the gags more plentiful, but the only thing I was seriously bummed about was that the exquisite romantic duet, Tere naina, was lopped off – presumably due to time constraints – just as hero and heroine were beginning to settle into a serious clinch. For such unabashed admirers of masala movies, don’t they know better than to leave the audience panting during the much-awaited moment of consummation?
Copyright ©2009 The New Sunday Express. This article may not be reproduced in its entirety without permission. A link to this URL, instead, would be appreciated.
brangan
January 18, 2009
Test
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karbarak
January 18, 2009
“but could the archvillain’s name (Hojo) hark back to, of all things, the Mandrake comics? (How cheeky, then, that the antagonist is named after a chef in a film where the protagonist is a cook.)”
You do inter-intel proud,and Hojo’s favourite headgear when he is not a chef.yup the bowler!
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Aditya Pant
January 18, 2009
For me, this one was worse than Singh is Kinng. Haven’t seen Akshay hamming this badly before. Add to that the annoying length for which most scenes played out. Economy isn’t one of Nikhil Advani’s strengths, but here it was amply evident that he didn’t know when to end a scene. The editor didn’t help either.
Oh yes, this had many Manmohan Desai moments…with the quintessial Nirupa Roy being replaced by a Chinese dad 🙂
And for some reason, this reminded me of Jaadugar, easily the worst Amitabh film ever. Extra long, with decidedly un-funny gags occupying most of screentime.
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Aditya Pant
January 18, 2009
….and, don’t you think the film ended on a bonechillingly scary note? 🙂
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Amrita
January 18, 2009
I don’t know if that’s true – that Bollywood is stuffed with writers who’re obsessed with old-timey masala.
The first people I remember noticing that phenom in were Farah and Sajid Khan who seem to have truly grown up imbibing the dross and the gold Bwood had to offer and loving every minute of it in an uncomplicated fashion that’s very different from the way a Farhan Akhtar or an Adi Chopra reacts to it because they simply didn’t have the same access to it. With Farah she didn’t grow up watching Amitabh Bachchan sitting in the drawing room, she saw him in the cinema hall same as the rest of us and I think that shows.
Main Hoon Na when it came out was such a fangirl creation – I can’t remember an ode to masala like that before that one. Esp because it came at a time when the Rajshri fueled family dramas were (finally!) losing steam. It simultaneously poked fun at Bollyconventions but held a lot of affection as well – kind of how a lot of Bolly-lovers react to old time masala.
What we see these days seems to be an ode to Farah more than a true fanboy expression. A case of producers trying to replicate success… and frequently falling flat on their ass. This movie sounds painful.
Aditya – Jaadugar? Say it ain’t so! Dammit, now I’ll have to watch it just to see if it can actually be that bad.
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Shiv
January 18, 2009
Totally agree with you about this being a much more enjoyable watch than Singh is Kinng. I especially liked the Main Khiladi Tu Anari nod!
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Priti
January 18, 2009
nods to oldies are fine, as long as the filmmaker does not resort to conceited self-referencing of his own films, the way aditya chopra, karan johar and the barjatyas almost always do. i find that very irritating, especially when it seems like the movie is taking itself seriously otherwise…
on a side note, have you reviewed pithamagan? i saw it for the first time on tv yesterday, and really quite liked it, although the buzz that laila’s piercing screams have caused in my ears has, well, not stopped buzzing. *shudder*
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astrosolve
January 18, 2009
a good movie a one time watch. Better than Singh is King.
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santhosh kottayi
January 18, 2009
I think the director got confused/excited with the Warner Brother’s banner and like a kid who suddenly got lot of money but didn’t know how to spend, Mr. Nikhil Advani got confused with what track to adopt for this movie – comedy/action/family drama/etc..!! And in the end when we come out, we consider this as one more movie…with some amount of comedy…some amount of action….some amount of family drama…..etc.…but no perfection for anything!
Thanks to Akshay Kumar…he has become a seasoned actor and I think he is the only Indian actor who has the built and looks which can match with any international stars. It is amazing to see the guy performing so smoothly and convincingly between comedy and hard core action scenes. Deepika is once again blessed with a movie with maximum hype and she has done a decent act to take the credits. Nothing much to mention about Mithun Chakrabarthy and all the other stars, including the Chinese kungfu greats.
My recommendation is to watch it…being the first movie by the Warner Brothers! You can very well see the difference in terms of how a below the ordinary story can be glorified and presented when international experience is built in!
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brangan
January 18, 2009
An ouch-ish letter to the paper
The advantage of brevity in prose, is clearly lost on Baradwaj Rangan. Two well endowed paragraphs, full of contortionist verbiage, just to drive the point that the movie under review belongs to a genre of 70’s? And two more paragraphs exploring the similarities in the characters names with those in the earlier era. All, I presume, in a valiant attempt at wry humor. Sorry, it does not work. How does it matter if the characters are named Suzy, Meow-Meow or whatever. Why go exhibitionist, enlightening us of a a french actor with a similar sounding (sounding, for Gods sake!) name? And we still await, some, a wee little bit, about the plot, characterization, music, whatever, about the movie under review!
At the end of a long letter, a well known author is reported to have confessed, if he had more time, the missive would have been shorter! Baradwaj Rangan is just not applying himself! His reviews are becoming tedious and, well, they are grating. I prefer the movie itself – they do not, mercifully, have any literary pretensions!
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brangan
January 18, 2009
karbarak: Ooh, another fan 🙂
Aditya Pant: “Haven’t seen Akshay hamming this badly before.” Oh, I don’t know about that. He comes across pretty much the same in most films (the Singh is Kingg variety, that is).
Amrita: Farah Khan is cerainly one of them, but she’s very broad in her allusions, whereas, here we see very hardcore nods — not to genres so much as specific films. Even something like Dasvidaniya alluded to Gunmaster G9.
“With Farah she didn’t grow up watching Amitabh Bachchan sitting in the drawing room, she saw him in the cinema hall same as the rest of us and I think that shows.” That’s a fantastic observation. But if you do see CC2C, you’ll see it’s not an ode to Farah in *that* sense. Though where you’re absolutely right is that without the success of Main Hoon Na, a lot of the other writers may not have gotten aboard the satire-spoof-homage bandwagon.
Priti: I did review it. I’ll dig it up.
santhosh kottayi: “Mr. Nikhil Advani got confused with what track to adopt for this movie – comedy/action/family drama/etc..!!” I don’t think that was the problem here as it was clear he wanted to toss in ALL these elements and set the pot to boil. The problem is that he wasn’t the man for the job. This film needed someone with a more “masculine” temperament (in the macho/aggressive sense), someone like Farah Khan, say, as opposed to Advani, who, like Karan Johar and Aditya Chopra has a “feminine” temperament more suited to delicate emotions and love stories.
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chhote saab
January 18, 2009
Hi Bade saab, you have proved again that you are the best reviewer around – getting to the actual gist of what the director and writers were trying to make. I was surprised Aditya Pant found it so bad because he usually is the person whose comments I find very similar to my viewpoint – I agree that the movie does drag a lot towards the end but I thought it was genuinely funny esp. parts where sidhu is dancing to various old tunes, the in flight overhead compartment scene, chura ke dil mera scene, chinese version of mumbai se aaya mera dost… And yes I totally agree with your assessment that this was more entertaining than ghajini as it was not pretending to be anything more than what it was.
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Pavitra
January 18, 2009
i confess..i didn’t read this review..cos its Chandni….for cryin’ out loud 😦
was hoping to see somethin on raghumaan 🙂
anyway..wanted to ask you…is this movie, like, based on kung fu panda too a little? 🙂
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brangan
January 18, 2009
And in complete contrast to the letter to the paper above…
HIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!! I know you from New Indian Express, you are one good critic I must say. I just wanted to ask if it would be possible to review other languages films as well (Malayalam and Tamil)? Many a times we movie buffs are often mislead by the improrer reviews telecast in tv channels. Also I wish to bring to your notice that there used to be Malayalam films reviews in the Saturday edition of the New Indian Express which no longer exists. Whatever happened to it? I do not compell you to reply to my mail (coz u must be getting thousands in a day) but if you say a small hi to me i will feel spellbound coz i am a small fan of yours!!! Keep the good work up. Bye.
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raj
January 18, 2009
It will take sometime before this homage to 70ns hoodwink formula tires bollywood viewers one guesses. If I we’re in an unkinder mood, I would say no other industry likes the smell of its own sh*t more than bollywood. As it were I am in kinder mood. So I refrain from saying so 🙂
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Mohan
January 19, 2009
I am not sure if this 70s masala homage makes sense in Indian cinema, its not like Bollywood has traveled light years from the formulaic movies made in the 70s. Singh is Kinng could have been a 70s movie and I wouldn’t have noticed a difference except maybe for the exotic foreign locales. We can rarely identify 3-4 genre defining movies every year out of the hundreds of assembly line productions. This homage theme seems like a justification for lazy script writing. Having said that,your review rocks as usual.
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B.H.Harsh
January 19, 2009
Honestly, I ain’t surprised u prefer this to SIK. I somehow knew this’d be ur reaction. Afterall, reading all your reviews helps. 😉
But dont u think This film too took itself very seriously ?? In one scene, Akshay is shattered emotionally when Mithun dies. and a few reels later, he talks about Ande, Akhrot, goti…!!
For all its deliberate nods to our popular hindi fillums, It didnt work for me in its entirety.
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Deepauk M
January 19, 2009
brangan: Haven’t seen the movie yet so haven’t read the review yet but the title of the review caught my attention. Do you know why the title of the original movie was supposedly a critique of the Thatcher administration? (I never understood that urban legend).
And you have literary pretensions? Since when? 🙂
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venkit
January 19, 2009
Expecting a Delhi6 music review
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brangan
January 19, 2009
Deepauk M: “And you have literary pretensions? Since when?” Oh, you evil man 🙂 And thanks for noticing the title.
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anon
January 19, 2009
your title doesn’t make sense. it should have read – the CROOK, the CHEF, his future WIFE and her SISTER
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brangan
January 19, 2009
anon: But why are we being so literal?
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tushar
January 20, 2009
This might be another Jhoom Barabar Jhoom. But now it is all the more that, what with all the intellectual bashing. Saw it yesterday and was pleasantly pleased of the masala dose of the year, came to your page hopeful, and you just made it a worthwhile time at the film.
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Vijay
January 20, 2009
Raj, something about that comment had me laughing for a while, thanks 🙂
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Rags B
January 20, 2009
Hi BR
nice review once again. I am still surprised though that you have given a slight thumbs up to this masala adventure (if I read that part correctly). One scene I enjoyed was the in-flight overhead compartment sequence which was very good especially due to Ranvir’s comic genius. Rest the movie is a big mess of collective scenes and a Director not sure of what the plot should contain. I felt the screenplay was written on a piece of paper napkin. This is probably the worst screenplay Ive seen in recent times (lets leave the fun part out of it). remember salaam-e- ishq. But I thoroughly admire your observation on the characterization of characters and the choice of names. Nikhil Advani needs to know that hes no good and Im tired of Akshay Kumar comedies. Villu would have been better I guess (havent seen it though).
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brangan
January 20, 2009
Rags B: I don’t know about Villu, but I put myself through Padikkadhavan today and came out with a headache. What a mess! This is when you come out with a renewed respect for someone like Simbu, who may not make the classiest of films, but even in something as cliched as Silambattam, there’s a narrative going on that actually makes sense (with flashbacks in the proper place and so on), not to mention a few decently shot songs and so on.
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Padawan
January 20, 2009
I did not know that you had time to watch Silambattam and all, but watching Padikkadhavan makes you come out with renewed respect for Silambattam, then I guess I will give it a miss. Now, if you can find time to watch Padikkadhavan/Silambattam – why not watch something like Twenty-20 or something of that sort! BTW, CCTC did not work me for at all except for bringing back memories of the 36th Chamber of Shaolin (for Gordon Liu) and making me watch it again.
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raj
January 21, 2009
Silambattam? Padikkadhavan? Are you in some sort of masochistic mood?
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Rags B
January 21, 2009
I completely agree with you. Should have warned you about Padikkadhavan….I had started liking danush in polladhavan and yaaradi nee mohini, but such “off beat” films spoil it.
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Vinay
January 21, 2009
You speak my heart Rangan (so what’s new).
The point you make about the return of some writers/directos to the 80s Masala genre despite showing a detachment to it is very interesting and worth pondering. If true, I guess it is the revenge of the neglected 70s-80s generation :).
What I really like about these efforts is that some of these guys (including those responsible for CC2C) are doing it right. Even though there *is* a certain distancing involved, the broader feeling that I get is that it’s not an outsider’s take. It’s less like laughing at the 80s and more like laughing with it. There is an air of fondness rather than ridicule in the approach.
So I say, more power to them. I think we, the 70s-80s generation, are far from fed up with these winks.
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Padawan
January 22, 2009
Will you be reviewing Slumdog Millionaire?
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brangan
January 22, 2009
Vinay: reg. “It’s less like laughing at the 80s and more like laughing with it.” Absolutely. There is certainly that element of fondness. How can it be otherwise with something that defines one’s nostalgia? 🙂
Padawan: I’m not doing a review. Have written something about it though, for this weekend. But if you want to know what I thought about the film, I’d say “perfectly enjoyable, but insanely overrated.”
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brangan
January 22, 2009
BTW, if you’re a fan of Pachelbel’s Canon in D, this is howlarious 🙂
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Vijay
January 22, 2009
All this nostalgia for 70s is fine as long as the trend doesnt catch up in Kodambakkam and someone starts reminding us about the Sivaji Ganesan classics of those times like Lorry driver Raja kannu, Pilot Premnath and so on, complete with the checked oversized coats and brown colored wigs 🙂
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brangan
January 22, 2009
Vijay: But I’d love to see Vivek take on Kal Thoon or Sandhippu 🙂 He does a fantastic Sivaji impersonation. There was a comedy track (in a movie whose name I forget) where he spoofed Mudhal Mariyadhai. It was hilarious.
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Priti
January 22, 2009
reminder: pithamagan review
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Vijay
January 22, 2009
Most spoofs from Vivek are good. He has some serious talent. There is another recent one where he plays the Inspector role of Sivaji from Thanga Padhakkam(?). Not even Kaakka Kaakka was spared by him.
Some of his best tracks have come in the most obscure of movies(Thanks to youtube!).
I believe you must seen his yaagava Munivar spoof and Parasakthi Sivaji impersonation in some remote Amman movie? Priceless.And some intelligent writing for him too, courtesy his team
I dream of watching a good political satire with the likes of Cho,Vivek, Crazy Mohan and others involved. But this is Tamilcinema/Kodambakkam we are talking about. I’ll try to be realistic. Vivek will be limited to being a sidekick to Dhanush and Simbhu. Within those confines he has managed to be reasonably consistent over the years.
Unfortunately in most of the filmy comedy clips shown on TV I have to endure 15 mins of loud unfunny stuff from Vadivelu before a Vivek scene comes up.
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Vijay
January 22, 2009
BTW, did you catch Poo? I keep hearing some good things about it.
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Deepauk M
January 22, 2009
brangan: That was Parthiban Kanavu by Karu Pazhaniappan – I assume you are referring to the one with Devadarshini.
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bart
January 22, 2009
Parthiban Kanavu (actually, the good part of the track was where he doesn’t spoof mudhal mariyadhai..).
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brangan
January 22, 2009
Priti: Here
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brangan
January 22, 2009
Three Oscar noms for ARR! Jai Ho 🙂 And I’m also really, really thrilled for Fincher, whose masterful Zodiac was criminally under-noticed.
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Aditya Pant
January 22, 2009
3 Indians get Oscar noms…that’s cool.
I had missed Zodiac when it came out, but these days it is playing almost everyday on one of the movie channels….loved it.
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Priti
January 22, 2009
thanks! all the ‘pointlessness’ in pithamagan was very enjoyable…
caught zodiac on tv. sat down to watch it only because i think mark ruffalo is cute, but was quite surprised. very engaging!
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Ramesh
January 23, 2009
Is it possible that a potential victory for Rahman could lead him to scoring soundtracks for mainstream Hollywood. Wouldn’t it be nice then, to see his graduation from Chennai to Bombay to California. I remember that piece on Mani Ratnam where you had written on how he was gradually moving away from the Tamil audience.
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Sal
January 23, 2009
I love that Gulzar is up for an Oscar!
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vivek
January 23, 2009
Oscar oscar oscar!
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Tambi Dude
January 23, 2009
I just saw in youtube Vivek’s spoof of Sivaji’s monologue in court (Parasakthi). LOL.
Can anyone post links of vivek’s spoof
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KPV Balaji
January 23, 2009
BR: Would love to read your piece on hey ram / Mahanadhi. Watched the movies of Woody Allen you mentioned , were really hilarious. Thanks.
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raj
January 23, 2009
Vivek’s Mudhal Mariyaadhai spoof was in parthiban Kanavu. As bart observed, that was the worst part about his role in that movie.
He did mildly spoof Thanga Padhakkam in some obscure movie starring Ranjit C/o Rasakkapalayam, or something.
The Parasakthi spoof was good. But he is a limited fellow in his own way like Vadivelu. Vadivelu was good in Winner and a few other films. Vivek and Vadivelu’s combination Manadhai Thirudi Vittai is quite a riot – if you can endure Prabhu Deva for more than 5 minutes. Easier still will be extracting the comedy track of the movie. Watching movies like MTV are the times you are thankful for the tradition of a separate comedy track in Tamil Cinema.
But then I prefer Goundamani and his loud, uncouth ‘inside’ satire on the tamil society.
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Arijit
January 23, 2009
rangan, when are your reviews of slumdog coming? waiting for them…also rahman, gulzar and resul pookutty are up for oscars…this is amazing…
benjamin button is a great film…however, i was a bit disappointed to see revolutionary road not figuring in any of the top nominations (film/direction/acting)…its one of the best films i have seen in recent times…
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ray
January 23, 2009
Hi,
I was reading ur blog posts and found some of them to be very good.. u write well.. Why don’t you popularize it more.. ur posts on ur blog ‘Blogical Conclusion’ took my particular attention as some of them are interesting topics of mine too;
BTW I help out some ex-IIMA guys who with another batch mate run http://www.rambhai.com where you can post links to your most loved blog-posts. Rambhai was the chaiwala at IIMA and it is a site where users can themselves share links to blog posts etc and other can find and vote on them. The best make it to the homepage!
This way you can reach out to rambhai readers some of whom could become your ardent fans.. who knows.. 🙂
Cheers,
Ray
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Pradyumna M
January 23, 2009
“perfectly enjoyable, but insanely overrated.”
EXACTLY! Watched the movie today..Was indeed enjoyable but seriously overrated.. And also Raaz almost put me to sleep!:|
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Pradyumna M
January 23, 2009
Btw,You doing a review of Delhi-6?
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Pradyumna M
January 23, 2009
I meant Music review..:D
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BB
January 23, 2009
Hi, Have been enjoying your blog for some time now and really love it. Just wondering if u’ll be posting the review of Slumdog Millionare.
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Shalini
January 23, 2009
BR, your pithy observation on the Slumdog Millionaire phenom is so apt that it almost makes me wish that that you wouldn’t write another word about it.
Almost.:-)
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