STRIKE OUT
Bollywood strikes back after the strike with a dud that makes you wish the strike was back.
JUN 14, 2009 – AS WE CONTINUE TO REEL UNDER THE ONSLAUGHT of increasingly appalling star-children vehicles – Love Story 2050, Jimmy, and now, Kal Kissne Dekha (starring Jackky, son of producer Vashu Bhagnani) – may I proffer a theory? Could it be that all this awfulness is intentional, the concerted efforts of concerned film-fraternity fathers to ensure that their offspring lead long, happy, useful lives far from the harsh glare of the public? Here’s how. As the children of chartered accountants grow up surrounded by numbers and those of cricketers begin to wield the willow early, I suppose the houses of film folk echo with happy gurgles of “A for Aperture, B for Backlot.” And the wise father, inevitably, is stricken with fear. Having burnt his fingers on a number of occasions, with a likely succession of flops in search of that elusive hit, he wants none of this for his darling boy.
Therefore, much before the apple of his indulgent eye ripens and acquires a six pack and whitens the teeth and waxes the chest in anticipation of being anointed hero, the father summons a raft of second-rate writers and orders them to free-associate on a rancid script. “Throw in a sci-fi element with a perambulatory teddy bear in the midst of all the song and dance,” he might suggest, or else, “Let the hero have visions of the future (and yet prove unable to predict the fate of his film).” The finishing touch comes two decades later, when a C-list director is signed, someone who thinks craft is something made of cane and bamboo. The unsuspecting son – it’s usually a son, rarely a daughter – acts his heart out, thinking daddy knows best. The film is released to jeers and catcalls. And voila! The secretly delighted father steers his dejected offspring towards a rosy career in the restaurant industry.
Of course, things don’t always move according to plan. The son might prove annoyingly persistent, like Hurman Baweja. Nevertheless, this is what, I propose, leads to films such as Vivek Sharma’s Kal Kissne Dekha, which gets going when the hero, Nihal, moves from Chandigarh to Mumbai in search of an education, in the kind of college where students spend more time organising youth festivals than, you know, studying. And what promises to evolve into a clone of Ishq Vishq – which, of course, we cannot have, as that sprightly little bonbon actually worked at the box office – takes a sharp detour into taming-of-the-shrew territory, as Nihal takes on the haughty Misha (Vaishali Desai). Then, as Riteish Deshmukh shows up as Don Kalicharan, a master of disguise, Nihal uses his extra-sensory powers to defuse a series of bombs planted across the city by a terrorist ring.
Somewhere through all this, in a moment at an airport, I thought I caught a glimpse of the kids from Slumdog Millionaire — but to be fair, little green men from Mars wouldn’t be out of place amidst these shenanigans, which possibly also explains the presence of Rishi Kapoor, bewigged in a shock of silver. In what has got to be one of his worst roles – that of a Physics professor who instructs his class about the inventor of dynamite – the actor has clearly decided to simply take the money and run. Young Jackky Bhagnani, alas, doesn’t have that option. He’s made to jump through hoops like a circus animal, showcasing his skills to an unfeeling public. As scene after scene unfolds with demonstrations of his dancing and fighting and bike-riding and romancing, we begin to feel like judges at the Olympics, as if we’re meant to hold up cards with points after each event. In that vein, his film gets a zero.
Copyright ©2009 The New Sunday Express. This article may not be reproduced in its entirety without permission. A link to this URL, instead, would be appreciated.
Gopi
June 13, 2009
Welcome back Baddy!
And what a comeback. Did you almost wish that things were better off during the hiatus?
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Manish
June 14, 2009
Ouch!! The film is so bad? How about a review of the film ’99’?
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Tejas
June 14, 2009
So it’s more of KLPD than KKD, right? Couldn’t you see in future how it was going to be?
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Bhel
June 14, 2009
ROFL, I love reading you in a bad mood. Your reviews have always been thought-provoking and always humorous, but this one is a little different. Absence makes the heart grow daggers.
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karthik
June 14, 2009
Loved it Rangan! Just wishing more star-kids are launched so that you can review them as they are released!
Btw…Did u like pasanga or semi liked it?
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Sunil Deepak
June 14, 2009
The review is readable and also cruel. May be the caring father also pays a well known reviewer to write a nasty review, just to make sure that his loving son doesn’t follow Harman’s example?
Ok, so the film is trash, but the newcomer actors, do they show a spark of that particular charm that makes stars? Are they wooden duds? I wish you had written something about that as well.
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brangan
June 14, 2009
Tejas: KLPD? That would suggest there was some, uh, anticipation to begin with, right? 🙂
karthik: I did like ‘Pasanga’ quite a bit (except the last portions.) I wrote about it here.
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Amrita
June 14, 2009
Having seen both Jimmy and Love Story 2050, I couldn’t understand why I had absolutely no desire to watch this one. And then I realized what was missing: “a perambulatory teddy bear”.
The one in 2050 stole the show and Jimmy, of course, was played by one.
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Sudhir Nair
June 15, 2009
LOL!! My biggest grouse about the movie strike was that I missed reading such gems. U r in fine form !!
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maxdavinci
June 15, 2009
Kya baat hain sirjee, good to be back eh?
for me they were trying to spawn a love child between ‘main hoon na’ and ‘the specialist’.
vague I know, lekin kuch toh connection hona chahiye ille?
Did you notice there was Juhi Chawla and Rajpal yadav as well?
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Sureshkumar
June 16, 2009
Sir, ‘Aayirathil Oruvan’ songs eppidi irukku??
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brangan
June 17, 2009
Sureshkumar: Sevigalil innum vizhavillai. Aanaal Selvaraghavan padam aayitrey. Nandraaga thaan vandhirukkum 🙂
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The Normal Guy
June 17, 2009
brangan : did you watch star trek? howzzit?
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Abhishek
June 17, 2009
No review for “Angels and Demons”?
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Tejas
June 18, 2009
BRangan – ever considered Twitter for quick movie referrals and recommendations?
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brangan
June 19, 2009
The Normal Guy: Quite decent — but also quite generic. Not really “Star Trek” so much as decent sci-fi outing. Have written about it for this weekend.
Tejas: Dude, I’ve just figured out how to SMS. Give me a couple of years and I’ll get around to Twitter 🙂
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Rakesh
June 19, 2009
Hi,
Is Samanth Subramanian from http://reeltwo.blogspot.com/ still active on the bloggin circuit ?
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S.Ganesh Kumar
June 19, 2009
/Bollywood strikes back after the strike with a dud that makes you wish the strike was back//
I liked this line.Rofl.! 😀
I knew this film will bomb,as it’s too tough to be suuceessful for rank debutantes in Bollywood(Barring a Jaane tu..ya Jaane na recently.)
And what do you think about too many films running on the same ‘future-vision’ concept?
(Aa Dekhe Zara,Tasveer and now KKD.)Is it possible that one of the filmmakers heard about it from one film-unit and others too copied bit-and-pieces from the actual plot to give duds of varying range? 😛
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brangan
June 19, 2009
Rakesh: I checked with Samanth. Here’s what he says: I do a blog for Mint on books, although that’s more
filter-blog-ish and not so heavy on the long posts.
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Anand
June 20, 2009
BR: Long live Bollywood….long live star sons…Long live star vehicles…long live selfless guinea pigs like BR!!
All of the above ensure we get unadulterated entertainment in the comfort of our laptops, without having to endure the movie itself!! 🙂
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poda chille
June 26, 2009
the movie sucks. the actor looks and acts terrible and so the the actress… yuck i havent seen such ugly couple in a movie…
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the mad momma
July 3, 2009
*falls at Brangan’s feet and worships him, then lies there laughing hysterically *
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