OLD IS COLD
Same shtick, different setting – isn’t it time Akshay Kumar moved on to something else?
JUL 5, 2009 – HOW WOULD YOU KNOW IF YOU’RE among the card-carrying legions of Akshay Kumar fans who transformed the actor from action hero to comedy superstar? (He returns to his roots in this comedy by playing an action hero: a stuntman.) I suppose the indication would come early on in Sabbir Khan’s Kambakkht Ishq (reworked from the okayish Tamil comedy Pammal K Sambandham, with Kamal Hassan), if you find you can survive the wedding of Lucky (Aftab Shivdasani) and Kamini (Amrita Arora), a cuddly-wuddly ceremony accompanied by exchanges of “my wabbit” and “my tweety.” For you, then, is this movie made. As for me, I experienced what I usually do in an Akshay Kumar laughathon: there’s always a of law of inverse proportionality at work, which dictates that the more the public adores it, the more I have to resist the impulse to find a quiet corner and blow my brains out.
Tashan and Chandni Chowk to China were hardly successful films – not (entirely) artistically, and certainly not commercially – but they were at least borne along by minor-league ambition, even if that goal was to simply execute jazzy riffs on once-upon-a-time movies. At their core, there was something beyond just scene after trying scene attempting to up the noise quotient under the guise of humour. But after those flops, Akshay is back to upping the noise quotient. If size matters in the case of Kambakkht Ishq, it isn’t bigger that’s better but louder – not only is every actor instructed to perform as if on stage and playing to an exclusive audience of the hearing-impaired, it’s also the sheer volume of the slapstick, which at times assumes the shape of a bludgeon. Towering over you like a giant bully, the film practically dares the unimpressed not to laugh.
The tragedy of this comedy is that it could have delivered genuine laughs had it merely followed up on its battle-of-the-sexes premise. Viraj (Akshay Kumar) loves women but hates commitment. Simrita (Kareena Kapoor, in her unbearably supercilious “Poo” mode) hates men and, subsequently, hates commitment. There is, therefore, the mild anticipation of the inevitably old-fashioned trajectory of Viraj and Simrita moving from hate to love. They meet, for the first time, at the aforementioned wedding, where he is aghast that Lucky has gotten hitched, and she expresses similar sentiments about Kamini. It’s only a while before they begin sniping at each other. “Dog,” she hisses at him. “Bitch,” he barks back. “Ah, true love,” we sigh, and settle down for this apparently mismatched couple to realise that they are, in reality, perfectly matched.
But instead of sexy banter and witty comebacks, we’re treated to farce – which isn’t such a bad idea, except that the unendurably broad gags are of the type where an overweight black woman squats on Viraj and subjects him to a rectal probe. (She suspects he’s carrying drugs.) Then suddenly, the film veers into drama – which, again, isn’t such a bad idea, because badly done drama is infinitely preferable to badly done comedy. For the most part, though, Kambakkht Ishq can’t seem to make up its mind whether it wants to settle into a farce or a rom-com, with mellow passages underlining the melting of hearts. Sylvester Stallone, Brandon Routh and Denise Richards put in guest appearances as movie-folk – they are surprisingly relevant to the story, set in Hollywood – but once again, all the heavy lifting is left to Akshay Kumar. As I said, if you’re a fan…
Copyright ©2009 The New Sunday Express. This article may not be reproduced in its entirety without permission. A link to this URL, instead, would be appreciated.
Srikanth
July 4, 2009
Anticipated how the movie would pan out….and therefore the predictable review!!
PS:Your reviews are soon becoming more of lessons in language and less of critiques.And who’s complaining.Not I.
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sputnik
July 4, 2009
Agree with your review. I saw the original movie and what’s surprising is that they have removed some of the funniest scenes and the dialogues from the original movie. The review here points that.
http://www.tanqeed.com/movies/ki.cfm
Also Kamal’s character wasn’t offensive while Akshay’s character is made offensive here. Sneha’s character was better than Amrita’s here. Amrita is just a bimbo here. And the vulgar dialogues are written by Anvita Dutt Guptan, a woman proving that they are not inferior to men in anything.
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Aditya Pant
July 4, 2009
After tearing my hair out in the first half, I actually dozed off in the second. As someone who took pride in being able to sit through ANY movie, I still can’t believe I slept through this one.
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Raj Balakrishnan
July 5, 2009
Pammal K Sambandam was much better than this rubbish. The producers of PKS shouldn’t have sold the rights of their film to these clowns.
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Virginia
July 5, 2009
For some reason I find Adiya P’s hair-tearing/zonking out sequence hilarious to think about.
The setup does sound promising, like one of those great old fiery pairings of Cary Grant and somebody who start off hating each other or already divorced or something. As you make clear, Bollywood comes so close to being able to give us those, I wish you could make it happen.
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DesktopFixture
July 5, 2009
What the heck do Hollywood actors and Hollywood studios do in such crap films? Don’t they read the script or watch previous performances by the actors or whatever (not sure whether Stallone, Richards et al are themselves paragons of acting though). Maybe they have taken a lesson from that whatsitsname film where Perizaad Zorabian tells a confounded American actor that Indian actors know it’s all stupid but do it for the money.
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brangan
July 5, 2009
Srikanth: Predictable. I know. But what to do, dude? It’s really tough to collect a set of thoughts about such dully mediocre films and try to compose a review that’s at least halfway interesting. I mean, I wasn’t even inspired enough to think up something witty or try to turn this into a “fun” piece.
sputnik: “And the vulgar dialogues are written by Anvita Dutt Guptan, a woman proving that they are not inferior to men in anything.” What kind of statement is that? If she was asked to write in a certain kind of tone, how does it reflect on her as a “woman?” And aren’t women allowed to be “vulgar?” You should meet some of my friends 🙂
Aditya Pant: Oh I agree. I read a couple of reviews that said the first half was funny, but I was squirming in my seat.
Raj Balakrishnan: “The producers of PKS shouldn’t have sold the rights of their film to these clowns.” And why not? If people (authors, producers, whoever) started selling rights only to those who can ensure quality products, very few movies would get made. If the makers of PKS got a good chunk of change, then good for them.
Virginia: Oh please do not bring in Cary Grant and Rosalind Russel or Kate Hepburn into this discussion 🙂 Very few Indian films have relied on “talk” as a means of establishing character. Here (and I’m not being judgmental; just observing) plot or event or action takes precedence. You’ll finds reams of dialogue, but rarely conversation that’s specially shaped in order to reflect, say, the psychology of the sexes.
DesktopFixture: Uh, money? 🙂
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Srinivas
July 5, 2009
Definitely not a fan. Wanted to blow my brains out. Left quite early. And the movie was just plain offensive.
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Tambi Dude
July 5, 2009
“Maybe they have taken a lesson from that whatsitsname film where Perizaad Zorabian tells a confounded American actor that Indian actors know it’s all stupid but do it for the money.
”
Bollywood calling by Nagesh Kukonoor.
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Raj Balakrishnan
July 5, 2009
Hi Baradwaj,
I am just pained that some reasonably good/ok tamil movies are turned into utter rubbish by bollywood. Like Sathi Leelavathi, which was pretty good, became Biwi No.1, which was crap. Then the greatest crime of the twentieth century, Nayakan being remade as Dayavan. Mani Ratnam has suffered the greatest misfortune of seeing some of his finest works (Nayakan, Mouna Ragam, Gitanjali, Agni Nakshatram) being completely ruined by B-grade bollywood filmmakers.
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brangan
July 5, 2009
Raj Balakrishnan: And why do people give up rights to these “B-grade bollywood filmmakers”? Because they want to make the most money, right? That’s all I’m saying. This is strictly business. That’s why the producers of PKS sold the rights to “these clowns.”
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Amrita
July 6, 2009
wasn’t even inspired enough to think up something witty or try to turn this into a “fun” piece.
Precisely how I felt. I knew how it was going to be from a mile off, but I thought I’d maybe luck out and it’d be one of those “so bad it’s funny” movies. Nope.
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Ramesh
July 6, 2009
Haha. I totally pity you BR. After having written a long piece about the frustration of not being able to watch new movies due to the ban, you have now been served 2 cold turkeys. Here’s hoping something worthwhile comes up.
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sputnik
July 6, 2009
I was just pouting that the sexist and vulgar dialogues were written by a woman. Wasn’t judging her.
Anvita Dutt Guptan wrote the dialogues and songs of Bachna Ae Haseeno. The song ‘Khuda Jaane’ and ‘Ahista Ahista’ were very good and she even won the screen award for best lyricist for the song ‘Khuda Jaane’. Never expected that she would follow up that with such vulgar dialogues.
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Ramesh
July 6, 2009
wat? you guys don’t like the latest bit of awesomeness from the nadiedwala stable? 🙂
Raj, to be fair, perumazzakalam was remade fairly well as “Dor” and on the other hand manichitratazzu was fairly well buchered as Chandramukhi. Remakes are a two way street.
the most perfectly remade film was “pushpak” imo.
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Virginia
July 6, 2009
Re: comment #7, you’re 100% right of course about no talk of the kind I meant in Hindi movies, I can’t think of an exception, and it’s good to have that pointed out.
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Shrabonti
July 6, 2009
This film is the ultimate fantasy of the jingoistic Indian male. White women get insulted right, left and centre (and in the end when the all-Indian all-male hero ditches a white woman at the altar). Akshay Kumar uses every opportunity to insult them and make them do inane stuff. Halfway through the film I realised what the inspiration behind the film is — those awful Rajnigandha ads in which an Indian guy wins major awards and foreigners look at him with wondrous awe.
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Srikanth
July 6, 2009
Always thought film reviewing was a fun job.But that’s when you can pick and choose what you want to see.Considering B-town’s odious record of time and again serving duds and duds and more duds….BR sure has got an onerous task!
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Lakshman
July 6, 2009
What about the remake of “Sethu” as “tere naam?” I remember Khalid Mohammed writing in TOI that its a remake of some lousy South Indian film!! Cant help it but BR – you have to wait for “Kaminey”. B(h)aradwajs usually dont let us down 🙂
And what about “The New Tamil Cinema – Part 2” – Nadodoigal, being declared a hit..
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brangan
July 6, 2009
Lakshman: What about “Love Aaj Kal?” That looks interesting, no? BTW, I just finished sending in my column for the week. Since you ask, this is the intro: “Two new exhibits from The New Tamil Cinema – one the real deal, the other a pale imitation.”
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Ramesh
July 6, 2009
Love aaj kal: BHAGO!!!!!!
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Shalini
July 6, 2009
BR – some of Meena Shorey’s films from the late 40s/early 50s, like “Ek Thi Ladki” or “Dholak” follow the conversational battle-of-the-sexes mode of the great Hollywood romcoms of the 40s. The Hindi films don’t have nearly the sparkle or wit of a Grant-Hepburn film, but the stylistic intention is the same.
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MR.KOOL
July 7, 2009
ALTHOUGH AKSHAY HAD THE POTENTIAL TO BE A SUPERSTAR, YET HE IS NOT IN TOUCH WITH REAL CINEMA. HOPE HE SHOULD GET GOOD DIRECTORS LIKE ANURAG KASHYAP BEFORE ITS TOO LATE !! KAMBAKHT PAISA !!!
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Ramesh
July 7, 2009
what’s next?
tan ta daan ta dan!!
http://www.bollywoodhungama.com/scripts/jukeboxmp3.php?count=8&ID0=7188&ID1=7194&ID2=7189&ID3=7190&ID4=7191&ID5=7192&ID6=7193&ID7=7195
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Shankar
July 7, 2009
Again, no mention of Udayananu Thaaram
http://ia.rediff.com/movies/slide-show/2009/jul/07/slide-show-1-anil-kapoor-on-shortkut.htm
I also read somewhere that Roshan Andrews, the director of the original is, a co-director for this movie. But what’s amazing is it says the movie is based on a story by Anees Bazmi!! BTW, the movie was also re-made in tamil as Vellithirai.
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vijay
July 8, 2009
“okayish” is being kind. Pammal K Sambandham was the worst Kamal comedy of the last 15 yrs,with Panchathanthram not far behind.There wasnt a single legit laugh aloud moment in the film.
That Akshay chose to do this remake shows he is truly the King 🙂
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APALA
July 8, 2009
Well, one of the BEST remakes in my opinion is “Kuruthipunal” (River of Blood) which was a remake of “Drohkaal”. Even the maker himslef (Govind Nihalani) admitted that the remake was better than the original! I loved them both.
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dipali
July 8, 2009
This was such an awful movie that we almost walked out- stayed in our seats due to sheer inertia and braindeadness induced by this vulgar and sickening movie.
It could have been funny, but ended up being fairly disgusting. Bleccchhh
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Nirmal
July 8, 2009
I know and understand that you have a problem with watching films in language you dont get, but i really would have liked to know your thoughts on bhramaram. oh how i wish there was someone with even half your insight or knowledge writing on malayalam cinema!!
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Anand
July 8, 2009
BR: Love Aajkal, Kaminey for sure..but I saw a draft storyboard of a ‘script-at-work’ called ‘The Deity’ in PFC. Written by the director of Sankat City. For want of a better word, we could call it awesome!! If thats any indication of the talent, you wouldn’t want to miss Sankat City this weekend!
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bart
July 8, 2009
Which is the pale imitation that missed my radar? Will wait for your article 🙂
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Anand
July 8, 2009
vijay: I beg to disagree with you, the worst Kamal Hassan comedy in the last 15 years is Maharasan. 🙂
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Jaiganesh
July 8, 2009
If someone touches maharasan, I will erupt in flames. It was not a kamal movie (written by Sridhar loyalists Gopu Babu) and Gounds sendhil and Kamal ensured that throughout the first half and till climax, you just laugh till u fall down. The most amazing comic scenes when VKR falls sick and two daughter in laws vying for a share in property compete in care giving torture him no end and Gounds and Sendhil commenting on it in a pithy tone – wow – that was dark comedy at its best. It was dumbed down to all centers(A,B,C) and kamal rocked as the chennai thamizh butcher!! I wish we can have that light weight kamal more instead of the multi mega story serious kamal conglomerate that is in operation these days.
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Tambi Dude
July 9, 2009
“Well, one of the BEST remakes in my opinion is “Kuruthipunal” (River of Blood) which was a remake of “Drohkaal”. Even the maker himslef (Govind Nihalani) admitted that the remake was better than the original! I loved them both.”
Kuruthipunal better than Drohkaal. YUCK.
GN may say anything. People say that due to false sense of modesty. Tendulkar says jayasuriya is next to bradman only. no one takes it seriously.
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KPV Balaji
July 9, 2009
I have seen both Drokhaal and Kuruthipunal and found both equally good. I found it to be one of the near perfect remakes. PKS has its very good moments.. Unforunately dont remember much of Maharasan.
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APALA
July 10, 2009
Thambi dude,
I do not know why you are “YUCK”ing Kuruthipunal! I told you that I loved Drokhaal and when I saw Kuruthipunal, i was awed again – it’s the same story but the treament was much better. It’s one of my all time favorites – especially for the climax scene (Kamal with no teeth!). well, maybe like Sachin, I am entitled to my opinion and you are to yours, I guess!!!!
Waiting for Unnai Pol Oruvan, which is another N.Shah’s film ((A Wednesday) remake done by Kamal with Mohanlal. I hope it’s good!
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Rakesh
July 10, 2009
At least PKS had a couple of hum worthy numbers. Anu Malik compounds the misery…
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Shankar
July 10, 2009
So, maybe these guys did pilfer…BTW, this website is not a great source for authenticity…so, I’m not sure.
http://www.indiaglitz.com/channels/malayalam/article/48189.html
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brangan
July 10, 2009
Tambi Dude: I wouldn’t go as far as YUCK, but one thing that certainly worked much better in Drohkaal was the casting of Ashish Vidhyarthi as the bad guy, a youngster with fire in his eyes taunting the “older” establishment. The casting of the much-older Nasser in Tamil took a lot of power away from the role IMO (in the sense that he became some generic terrorist). I really thought Vidhyarthi would come a long way, but he’s turned into a terrible ham, playing villain in third-rate films.
Shankar: Have you seen “Bowfinger?” Is “Udayananu Tharam” “inspired” by that? Because quite a bit of “Short Kut” seems to have a hangover of “Bowfinger,” and I wonder if that’s the case with the original too.
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Nirmal
July 10, 2009
Shankar: almost all the scenes shown in the trailer are literal translations of malayalam dialogues in udayananu taram.i will be very surprised if its not a lift. Cant get over how straightfacedly they talk about the ‘terrific’ script by aneez bazmi when they show the making.
BR: its not a lift of bowfinger but borrows a certain something from it. Not elaborating since it will be a spoiler for you. And even if the plot is lifted from somewhere,it wont matter much,as udayananu taram worked largely as a satire on the mal film industry.
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Nirmal
July 10, 2009
Shankar: oh , you really have question the authenticity, when an article starts by referring to someone who has directed exactly two films as an ‘ace director’, no?:-)
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Ramesh
July 10, 2009
Brangan,
Isn’t that the point of a remake? that they take some story which has relevence , and tailor it to the local-familiar lingua?
If Kamal wanted to produce an outstanding work of staggerring genius, he’d have to write something original and cast it himself! (Its not as if Kamal han’t done this.. I have a secret melodrama induced crush on mahanadhi..dont tell anyone).
Remakes are a logic of their own. An indian remake is like a book to movie adaptation in Hollywood. It’s inevitably going to be done, when its done there are , inevitably purists who think that the “book/original” version was better, and can never be replicated to their satisfaction in film/remake, and theres going to be a whole audience for whom the remake/movie is the first intro to the story. for instance, most of my Indian friends have never heard of “nine queens” but think the world of “Bluffmaster”.
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Shankar
July 10, 2009
Yes, Baddy…the climax of UT is inspired by Bowfinger. This was acknowledged by the Sreenivasan who wrote the film.
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