YOU’VE GOT E-MALE
A bland but inoffensive fairy tale where the computer nerd gets the girl. Plus, a dreary romantic melodrama.
JAN 10, 2010 – I WAS SURPRISED THAT DINO MOREA, that descendant of ebonies and elms, was able to summon up such a relaxed performance in Jugal Hansraj’s Pyaar Impossible – but looking back, there’s no surprise. The Italianate actor was the worst possible fit for roles (and films) with a desi sensibility, and here, in a film so American in mood and tone that you’d expect the concession stands to serve apple pie instead of samosas, he’s just perfect. (Call it the Neha Dhupia syndrome, after the actress who has blossomed after straying from traditional Bollywood cinema.) Morea slips right in with characters who breakfast on cereal, who entertain children with lightsabres, and who refer to their young ones as “pumpkin” and “munchkin.” Even Alisha (Priyanka Chopra, overdoing the perkiness) comes off like an over-caffeinated American schoolgirl, her every gesticulation bouncing off the walls.
This isn’t an indictment of non-Indianness. In fact, these Americanisms are the very things that make Pyaar Impossible possible to endure. Scenes that would have descended into heavy-handed thunder-and-lightning melodrama under the stewardship of a director more Indian in sensibility – the hero’s confrontation with the villain in a swank restaurant; the heroine’s realisation that the world is indeed shallow, fixated on form as opposed to content – are allowed to scamper across screen with minimal fuss. The price of this lightness is a marked lack of tension – if you’ve listened to Salim-Sulaiman’s score, that’s the feel of the film as well, pleasant but bland (or rather, bland yet pleasant). There’s nothing at stake except the moment where boy and girl get together by the end – but then again, the rom-com is possibly the one genre where predictability isn’t so much a sin as a specialty.
If Pyaar Impossible doesn’t attempt to rock the boat, it’s at least familiar with the rhythms of rowing. Hansraj (working from a script from Uday Chopra, who plays Abhay) is content to tweak the archetypal frog-prince fairy tale that has lasted through retellings as recent as Notting Hill. (The “I’m just a girl” speech and the reunion in front of cameras are replicated here.) The twist is that the frog doesn’t transform into a prince. Abhay – who’s even referred to as “froggie” – is a bespectacled nerd when we first see him and he exits the film as a bespectacled nerd, still smiling a little too widely, still a tad too gauche for anyone to take seriously. It’s easy to see why Alisha falls for the debonair Varun – he may be slime, but at least he has a presence. Abhay is so invisible, so emasculated, that Alisha doesn’t think twice before moisturising her naked legs in his vicinity. He’s the ideal man-friend for a certain kind of career woman – he’s straight, and he’s safe. (It’s a nice touch that Alisha begins to fall for Abhay only after looking at life through his eyes.)
And he’s weak. He cries to his father (Anupam Kher) for help. He gets romantic tips from a six-year-old (Advika Yadav, a charming newcomer). Even when he sets out with a purpose, to track down the villain who stole the software he created, he allows himself to be easily sidetracked by his love for Alisha. With Abhay, Uday Chopra has the right idea – a fairy tale for our age, where a computer nerd with zero social skills wins the girl! – and he looks the part, but he does the film no favours by playing the part. Abhay needed the shambling, self-deprecatory goofiness of Hugh Grant, and Uday is too tentative, too dull. In the film’s most apposite moment, he gazes at Alisha through a telescope – and Priyanka looks so fantastic, she’s really a distant star, light years away from the likes of Abhay. That such a mating is possible is the fiction we need these films to feed us – why else would we watch rom-coms? – and yet you can’t help wishing that the fantasy weren’t so many light years removed from reality.
A TYPICALLY LISTLESS FARDEEN KHAN (as Donsai) is the nominal hero of Dulha Mil Gaya, but it’s Shah Rukh Khan (guest-starring as Pawan) who’s handed the film’s show-stopping moment. While lounging by the rails on a Caribbean cruise, Pawan’s fashion-plate girlfriend (Sushmita Sen, called Shimmer, and desperately channeling Archana Puran Singh) flails about a delicate wrist, and as a result, her keychain flies overboard. Shimmer is distraught, for the trinket is a reminder of her beloved poodle, Bozo, who, thanks to heartless cruise coordinators, was unable to accompany his mistress on vacation. Unwilling to stand by simply as his woman weeps, Pawan dives into the deep and retrieves the object, thus shattering to smithereens that old bit of pessimism about needles and haystacks. And the slack-jawed audience wonders: How, short of being dispatched to earth from an imploding Krypton, can someone perform a feat so patently impossible?
Why, because his heart brims over with love, of course! In Mudassar Aziz’s tired melodrama, love conquers everything, even fathomless waters. The plot has to do with West Indian billionaire Donsai marrying Samarpreet (Ishita Sharma), a lassi-sipping lass from the Punjabi heartland, because clause 7(a) of his father’s will hitched those billions to his non-singleton status. It’s a union of shameless convenience, and Donsai thinks a generous monthly cheque is all that’s needed to keep Samarpreet away as he reverts to life as a debauched bachelor – but he clearly hasn’t seen Naseeb Apna Apna (or the Tamil original, Gopurangal Saaivadhillai), where spurned women, instead of suing the pants off their sorry spouses, take it upon themselves to ennoble their men, showing them the error of their ways. (Why, because their hearts brim over with love, of course!) The only thing sadder is that these dubious “Indian values” are still being peddled under the guise of wholesome entertainment.
Copyright ©2010 The New Sunday Express. This article may not be reproduced in its entirety without permission. A link to this URL, instead, would be appreciated.
Spotter
January 9, 2010
@brangan – “The only thing sadder is that these dubious “Indian values” are still being peddled under the guise of wholesome entertainment.” Ah, now, that is going to get you in serious trouble. Dubious “Indian Values”. Now, how could you also generalize that they are dubious?
We might still have a Kannagi, no make it Savithri (OK, not an appropriate example) with those “Indian Values” of devotion and all.
LikeLike
Hari
January 9, 2010
Did you happen to watch ‘raat gayee baat gayee?’
LikeLike
Rakesh
January 9, 2010
If Jacky Bhagnani ever decides to write a movie script produced by Papa Bhagnani.. guess he can always point to Pyaar Impossible as a precedent !! 🙂 this movie would ve never been made had it not been for YSR’s patronage
LikeLike
Rakesh
January 9, 2010
Oops .. Yash Raj Films
LikeLike
B.H.Harsh
January 10, 2010
One of the fewer times when I really disagree with your review.
I felt the script of Pyar Impossible was really poorly written. The love story was hardly present in the film, and nor do we get to see the Geek winning over his short-comings as such.
It doesn’t know what it wants to do – and thats its biggest failure! A total disappointment for me..
LikeLike
Kartik
January 10, 2010
“that descendant of ebonies and elms”
Care to explain what this means? 🙂
LikeLike
peccavi
January 10, 2010
from other reviews which give more details about the plot – Pyaar Impossible seems “inspired” by the english serial – Who’s the Boss where a male housekeeper works for a divorced woman with a child. She keeps falling for the wrong sort of guy all the time – and he gets her out of tricky situations – and eventually they fall in love etc..etc..
LikeLike
kamil
January 10, 2010
Rangan – must say, youre probably the only reviewer on the planet whose reviews I just cannot get in one quick read! Its rather easy to discern whether the reviewer liked it or not by one major word or sentence but that;s impossible with ya dude! Even Ebert’s pedestrian compared to you. Does the Express express this sentiment at all?
LikeLike
Arpith
January 10, 2010
“in a film so American in mood and tone that you’d expect the concession stands to serve apple pie instead of samosas”
and film-writers to call stalls selling food “concession stands”!
LikeLike
Rohan
January 10, 2010
“Call it the Neha Dhupia syndrome, after the actress who has blossomed after straying from traditional Bollywood cinema.”
Bharadwaj, this sort of constant distinction-drawing between ‘commercial’ and ‘non-commercial’ cinema, is this really the best way to go? On the one hand as a country we’re hopefully starting to watch more kinds of films whose “commercial” origins are blurry and less important than before (something that you ostensibly think of as a good thing), but on the other hand you seem to constantly feel the need (in your writings) to set these distinctions down – and thereby draw attention to them.
A stage where urban people decide on a friday afternoon to watch a movie because it is *good* (irrespective of whether someone thinks it is commercial/parallel/in-between) is now finally within our reach. Enable that, rather than holding it back with such labelling.
LikeLike
Rahul
January 10, 2010
Sorry off topic:
Have you watched “A Peck on the cheek”? Whats your opinion about it?
Its 7:44 pm and Its gonna air at 9:00 pm. The choice is between it and Hitchcock’s Notorious.
LikeLike
brangan
January 10, 2010
Spotter: I consider them dubious. You don’t? Let’s live and let live 🙂
Hari: Not yet.
Kartik: That he’s, uh, wooden? 🙂
peccavi: Also, “The Maid” — with Martin Sheen. The nanny (or “manny”) bit appears to be from there.
kamil: Hmmm… In the intro, I called it “bland but inoffensive.” That’s my view right there. That’s neither high praise nor scathing censure. I didn’t love the film, nor did I actively hate it. I was indifferent to it. So I just (as usual) listed out what worked for me and what didn’t. As opposed to Dulha Mil Gaya, which didn’t work for me at all, so I got a wee bit snarky in tone.
Incidentally, why should reviews be gotten in “one quick read”? Film-watching involves a fairly complicated set of responses, no?
Arpith: Would you sleep better had I called it “snack counter” instead? 😉
Rohan: As I’ve said before, even if I don’t “draw attention to the,” there *are* two different/distinct cinematic sensibilities. I wanted to point out that I always though Neha Dhupia was a terrible actress, till I saw her in those multiplex films — and I realised that the problem wasn’t so much her acting skills as their fit for the all-singing-all-dancing kind of film. Not everyone’s a Madhuri Dixit, say, who can sing and dance with abandon.
Rahul: You mean Kannathil Muthamittal? Very good film. I’d say watch both, but with a gun to your head, go with Notorious. But I guess this information is irrelevant now 🙂
LikeLike
Raj Balakrishnan
January 10, 2010
The ‘House of Crap’ – Yash Raj Films – is back with yet another pseudo-hollywood film. The heroine dresses in skimpy western clothes – even if she is some corporate type – someone is a geek because he wears glasses (what an awful stereotype), MTV style music videos, and absolutely no connection to Indian values. I’ll rather watch a Lindsay Lohan film than this sh&*t. But thank God, Punjab Di Mummy, Kirron Kher, is not there is this film. When will people like Aadha Chopra and Karan Joker learn. I urge Indians to boycott the House of Crap. My New Year wish is that the House of Crap should stop making films. Sorry Baradwaj, for the long rant.
LikeLike
kamil
January 10, 2010
Rangan – Well Was looking it at from a consumer’s perspective – you are delivering a service to us rite: And am guessing its preferred to speak directly to your audience. Actually – this is a conundrum that I frequently encounter; am in Public Policy where we need to write academically for scholarly purposes and also dumb it down considerably to make it palatable to the policymakers that need the info rather straight up. And maintaining the balance is challenging. Do you feel the same way at times?
LikeLike
B.H.Harsh
January 10, 2010
By the way, I’ve always been curious to know what you think of Neil n Nikki as a film. 😉
please oblige!
LikeLike
Arun
January 10, 2010
you could have made more fun of uday chopra. that guy is some talent.
LikeLike
Ravi K
January 10, 2010
@Kamil The fun of reading a review isn’t just in the opinion. It is also in how the opinion is delivered. If all you want is an opinion, every reviewer might as well just write a bullet-point list of good and bad points, summed up with “see it” or “don’t see it.”
LikeLike
Jabberwock
January 10, 2010
The fun of reading a review isn’t just in the opinion. It is also in how the opinion is delivered.
True, and I’d go even further and say that the basic evaluation (“I liked it”, “I hated it”, “It was bland but inoffensive”) is the least interesting/important part of any well-written review.
I really don’t get the point of comparing a review with factual, research-based information that is written for policymakers. Baradwaj isn’t supplying some grand, “objective” truths about a movie, he’s expressing his own views on it. Even if he were to write those views out in the simplest possible way, there’s no guarantee that any of his readers would feel the same way about the film.
And a review is a “service to the consumer”? Um, I don’t think so, at least not in the way that Kamil means. (If a consumer went to see a film based on a review and then hated it, would he have the right to get back his ticket money from the New Sunday Express?) On the other hand, Baradwaj’s pieces are a service in the sense that any intelligent, engaged writing would be.
LikeLike
Rahul
January 10, 2010
Thanks Bardwaj. I did watch “A Peck..” the argument was that the dvd of Notorious will be more easily available.
Simran’s performance surprised me. I only remembered her as the “aankh maare” girl. 🙂
LikeLike
Shankar
January 10, 2010
Unfortunately or otherwise, todays “concession stands” serve nachos rather than apple pie!! 🙂
PS: Sorry, couldn’t find anything to add to either of the movies other than say, a bout between Uday and Fardeen will only be interesting to see who is truly from Sunil Shetty’s lineage!! 🙂
LikeLike
Vikas Bhargava
January 11, 2010
slight digression, planning to review Paranormal Activity?
LikeLike
Adithya
January 11, 2010
Aah,I hope you do a Vinnaithaandi Varuvaauya music review! Don’t think any other Rahman album got such quick mixed reviews in a long time!
LikeLike
vijay
January 12, 2010
BR have you listened to “wish you were here”-inspired Aromale song yet? from Vinnaithaandi varuvaaya? As Pink floydish as a song can get in TFM
LikeLike
vijay
January 12, 2010
VV is indeed a mixed bag. Several hit or miss efforts, just a couple of inspired ones. Rahman has made life difficult for himself with Delhi-6. Dil Gira dafatan..has me still reeling. And will we get a picturization like that? These blokes like Gautam Menon who trash directors like Sasikumar, Ameer and think of themselves as the next big thing should watch Delhi-6 and pick up a thing or two.
LikeLike
brangan
January 12, 2010
kamil: Reg. “its preferred to speak directly to your audience,” and adding to what Jai and Ravi K said, the way I look at it is that if someone read my writing and decided it wasn’t “direct” enough for them, they’d stop reading me and look for another reviewer who gave them what they wanted. After all, why should everyone have the same reviewing style?
B.H.Harsh: I’ve heard so much about its legendary awfulness that I actually want to watch it. But haven’t managed to so far.
Vikas Bhargava: Not really. Hasn’t been released here.
Adithya/Vijay: Not yet listened to it. Hoping to do a Between Reviews the week after next on the album.
LikeLike
Shankar
January 12, 2010
Baddy, did you check out Goa? I thought couple of tracks were interesting…
In continuation with conversations of the past, James Vasanthan is an 80s kid!! There are couple of tracks in Naanayam that have “that” rock sound. Also, I was surprised to see a similar rock based song in Selvaganesh’s Kola Kolaya Mundhirikka too. I guess it’s the retro season…with ARR’s Wish you were here and these!! 🙂
LikeLike
KPV Balaji
January 13, 2010
@rangan
completely digressing, did you watch this
hilarious !!
LikeLike
kanishk
January 13, 2010
Here’s VTV Folks! http://movies.rediff.com/report/2010/jan/13/south-tamil-music-review-vinnaithaandi-varuvaaya.htm
Mixed bag for sure but even those that lag are far far superior than the best of others! Expectations have certainly soared but delve into it with a syncretic mind and ye shall not be disappointed!
LikeLike
Anwar Puttarjee
January 14, 2010
Hey Branganji, you haven’t done blog posts on Raat Gayi Baat Gayi and Oye Lucky Lucky Oye? I’d love to read your thoughts on these films! Anyway, keep up the good work!
Greetings from Amsterdam! ^___^
LikeLike
Arun
January 14, 2010
VTV –>
“Aaromale” sounds so much inspired by Wish You Were Here… add some carnatic here and there
and there is a song Kannukul Kannai, which reminds of Jai Ho…
not fallen in love with any song majorly yet, guess it takes time.
LikeLike
Anonymous
January 14, 2010
“Call it the Neha Dhupia syndrome, after the actress who has blossomed after straying from traditional Bollywood cinema.”
But IS Neha Dhupia such a great actress? Granted, she’s landed some very interesting roles after bonding with the Rajat Kapoor-Ranvir Shorey-Vinay Pathak trio, but I don’t recall one scene in one film where her acting stood out. While watching Mithya, for instance, I remember being pretty disappointed with what she did. I just wish a better actress had been ‘discovered’ and subsequently adopted by these guys.
LikeLike
Harish S Ram
January 15, 2010
but Rahman has always been inspired by MJ and Pink Floyd … as far as Wish you were here .. d template is similar not the song .. and that is where we use the term inspiration … kannukul kannai can also be termed a lift from Rahman’s nenjam ellam too .. but thats not the wat the song stands for …
LikeLike
brangan
January 15, 2010
Anwar Puttarjee: No, those particular films I didn’t review. OLLO is a fantastic film though.
Anonymous: No, she’s not a “great” actress, whatever that means, but even a lesser performer can be the right fit for a certain kind of role. Maybe they’re not versatile, but when the character fits who they are (in life), that’s enough in some cases. I liked what she did in Dasvidaniya.
LikeLike
Arun
January 16, 2010
i eat my words for dinner (earlier comment)
VTV is a fabulous album..
every song is deep dive celebration of man-woman love..not the puppy kinds (like in Boys or Jaane tu) .. introspective lyrics & so much detailing in ARR’s work! this is master stuff.
LikeLike
mobile hacks
March 23, 2010
I think it is sad, that Neha Dhupia won’t be the next bond girl, as she is a beautifuel and great actress.
LikeLike
stasmarf
May 7, 2010
This is the best review I’ve read on the internet of such crappy movies. You have real talent! I don’t know how you can devote so much mental energy dissecting such boring formulaic movies, but you are really good at it! It must not take any mental energy for you, so this is the perfect job for you. Just letting you know that you have REAL talent, and I’m sure you can get any job reviewing just about anything (since you can already review crap), but I also think you’d write great reviews of more meaty, complex media, like classic books. I bet you’ve already done that, but you can make MONEY doing it. Or become a professor… if you aren’t already. Who are you?? reply to my email.
LikeLike