Bitty Ruminations 63

Posted on October 24, 2011


“In Britain, one in six mobile phones is contaminated with faecal matter.” It’s been a while since I ruminated bittily (and hopefully wittily) about sundry topics under the sun, but this, um, golden-brown nugget of information made me dash to my computer and resume this sorely neglected series.

The article from which this quote is culled presents very little by way of useful information. The last paragraph is practically a copout. (“reading on the toilet is widespread!” Duh! You don’t say!) But little beams of bright sunlight fell on the porch of my mind, darkened by Monday-morning blues, when I learnt that no less a personage than Henry Miller obsessed about loos and reading.

“To enjoy Rabelais, he advised a plain country toilet, “a little outhouse in the corn patch, with a crescent sliver of light coming through the door”. Better still, he said, take a friend along, to sit with you for half an hour of minor bliss.” A rapturous ideal indeed, though I’m in no hurry to implement the latter part of the prescription. Take a friend along? I think not.

The comments that follow the article are, needless to say, hilarious. I’m just a little hurt — okay, maybe more than a little — that the article talks only about reading in the loo, as if that were the only noble pastime permitted in those noisome climes. What about doing the crossword, dear chap? What does Henry Miller have to say about that?

PS: Much blitheness was brought to the spirit by the fact that the article does not employ that infernal euphemism “evacuation,” which always makes me imagine a solemn line of upstanding citizens trooping dispiritedly out of a hometown where a nuclear reactor has gone phhht! Yes, that sound effect goes rather well with this piece, don’t you think?

PPS: Should this installment have been titled Shitty Ruminations? No need to answer.