I could have been a painter. I wouldn’t have been a very good one, but I’d have managed. I’d have drawn three lines in blue, splashed on a few red dots and said it has meanings you have to cock your head and interpret. I couldn’t have been a chef, though. Don’t have the patience. Add this, add that, stir, wait. It’s not for me. My favourite dish is the boiled egg. It’s like sci-fi. You do nothing. Just add water. A meal is ready. Okay, a snack.
I could have been a singer. I can keep a tune. But no, my voice isn’t great. I wouldn’t want to inflict that on people. Well, maybe some people. That’s why I couldn’t be a newsreader either. And I couldn’t have been a stand-up comedian. I’m too needy. I’d require the audience to laugh at every joke I’m making. I’d require the faces I’m looking at to be laughing or at least smiling. And, even then, I’d probably begin to obsess about whether the laughs and smiles are genuine. An RJ, though, I could be – confined to a booth, my head filled with images of the world out there unable to kick-start its mornings without the engine of my good cheer.
Sometimes I imagine being a surgeon, cracking open a rib cage and plunging silver tools into a haze of red and pink. I’d have liked the godlike feeling of bestowing life. A judge is some kind of god too, bringing the gavel down on someone’s fate, but I wouldn’t like to spend endless days being reminded of how horrible we can be. I’d like to have been a competitive swimmer. I like the knowledge that I can move through water, with that tick-tock precision of gulping in air one moment, exhaling the next, arms cycling, legs splashing, the heart pounding in the home of sharks and whales.
I wouldn’t be a very good farmer. It sounds like too much toil, and I am only capable of mental exertion. But I’d like to encourage farming in some way. I couldn’t be a florist, though, making a living by cutting the heads off plants. Twelve decapitated roses apparently say “I love you” in human-ese. If you think the relationship will last, get her some manure and a packet of seeds!
Filmmaker. Scriptwriter. Playwright. I could have been any of these and managed a degree of competence. Not excellence, mind – competence. What I couldn’t have been is a musician. This vexes me thoroughly, this awareness that I enjoy music, that it does things to me that mere mortals can never do, that I can articulate these feelings and delve into their core, and yet I cannot think about notes the way I think about words. That thing that happens to me when I face a blank page… that wouldn’t happen to me when I stare at a keyboard. What about schoolteacher, shaping young minds and all that? But no. Too much trouble, too little reward. I wonder if it’s okay to think about rewards in a career. Do I have it in me to be an activist, make a difference, be happy with rewards that aren’t financial?
But nothing to do with numbers, though. Economics. Statistics. Accountancy. Even engineering, with its Vernier calipers and its insistence on precision. I’m happier with the abstractness of art. I say a thing is this and you say the thing is that and both are true. Would I make a good new-age guru? I believe in things like positive energy and negative energy. Add a clutch of joss sticks and maybe I’d be good to go. I’d like to do something that involved animals – be the caretaker of a dolphin in a zoo, or run a doggie day care. There was a time I dreamed of owning a DVD rental store, stocking the rarest films and dispensing expert advice to customers. Who knew people would begin watching films on their computers? I’d have been bankrupt now.
When your work is in the public eye, there are times you want to be doing something mousy and nondescript. I’d like to be a librarian. The same thing, day in, day out. No surprises. Your day isn’t going to be thrown out of whack because an earth-shattering development makes your editor grab the phone and demand that you write something, deadline yesterday. You hear of a tremor in Nepal. You register the awfulness. You resolve to mail out a cheque (of course, librarians don’t make much, so you’ll have to check the status of your current account first). And then you go back to stamping return dates on books. And when the crowd thins, you read whatever you want. Right now, that looks like a nice enough reward.
An edited version of this piece can be found here. Copyright ©2015 The Hindu. This article may not be reproduced in its entirety without permission. A link to this URL, instead, would be appreciated.
sabharinath
May 27, 2015
Nice article….. But a review of demonte colony instead, or along with this, would have been good…..
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Radhika
May 27, 2015
I guess that (above) is precisely the kind of exhortation that has Brannigan musing wistfully about other careers, eh, wot?
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Just Another Film Buff
May 27, 2015
Very good. Now rewrite assuming you are Kamal Haasan (10 points).
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Ram Murali
May 27, 2015
That was a fun read.
“What about schoolteacher, shaping young minds and all that? But no.”
–> Tangentially related q – your wiki page states that you teach at the Asian college of journalism. If I may ask, do you still teach? If so, what? And, how do you find teaching? I am asking since that’s an avocation that I’d love to pursue in a few years.
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Iswarya
May 27, 2015
Ah, haven’t I salivated endlessly at the idea of becoming a librarian some day? It just seems such an idyllic picture to anyone who cares for books, and your last lines reminded me of the most common illusion people (and I used to) have about what librarians do in their free time.
A few serious conversations with librarians (not at all hard to manage when you’ve gained their confidence by frequently showing up) is enough to prick the bubble though. The same kinda sad revelation that comes to you at the end of, say, George Orwell’s “Bookshop Memories” is to be had at the end of a sobering conversation with any experienced librarian. That’s the kind of world we live in!
(Sigh!)
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Iswarya V
May 28, 2015
I bet there would be highly polarised opinions about your new format. The threaded comments part is interesting, but picture previews for your posts on the home page? Tut-tut! shakes head despairingly
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Olemisstarana
May 28, 2015
Hah – Did you just call BR Brannigan? Love it. I must say that I see the resemblance…
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sachita
May 28, 2015
So every one dreams of alternate careers, even the ones who took the less travelled road and achieved success and fame at that? Good to know 🙂
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Nishigandha
May 28, 2015
Great article! though, some of the most terrifying people I have met are librarians!
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Mathivanan S
May 28, 2015
The new design looks awesome and so was your write-up..
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Iswarya
May 28, 2015
I used to wonder about that too! I mean, there are so many things you’ve written about, including the “follow-your-heart” kinda speeches you’ve given to engineering students and so on, but nothing AFAIK about your teaching experience. The closest you came to the subject that I remember is how you suggested screening “The Umbrellas of Cherbourg” to a (potentially-machete-wielding) group of students.
Nothing much to write about teaching, eh? 🙂
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musicofchance
May 28, 2015
heh, I too instinctively tut-tuted at the picture previews on the home page.. and I haven’t put a finger on why I felt that way… maybe too tabloid-y
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Sai sundar
May 28, 2015
When librarians don’t make much will they have a ‘current a/c’ or a ‘savings a/c’ in the first place?
yes u guessed it right.. this is from an ex-banker
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Hithesh Devasya
May 28, 2015
Pity you didn’t add a few book, cinema or music reccos as notes like Hornby and hence Cusack did in High Fidelity.
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Iswarya
May 28, 2015
Was thinking of this too. Thought the ‘current’ was used in a non-technical sense, though, as in ‘currently operational.’ Of course, that wouldn’t cut any ice with an ex-banker.
BR: My obsession over the editorial aspects and other people picking on technical stuff somehow reminds me of the Birbal story of the painting and the cobbler. Do you ever feel that way? 🙂
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vivek
May 28, 2015
Reminded me of this song by nick drake
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brangan
May 28, 2015
Olemisstarana: Hah. This is a reference to a long-ago avatar, where my name used to show up as bran1gan or some such thing. You young kids wouldn’t know 🙂 Er, not that I’m calling Radhika old…
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brangan
May 28, 2015
I teach a course on cinema. I like it, actually. It’s nice to see students slowly opening up the possibility of analysis and deconstruction, and by the end of the class they sometimes begin to “read” the film in a way I may not have done. The interaction is good that way.
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bart
May 28, 2015
I know you’ve published books and all, but how about a fiction – writer? A poet, perhaps? (not the “poetu” types or the writer in police station, you would over-qualify!).
Personally, I feel doing nothing or doing whatever you feel that moment (or a time-period) is the best – yes, I know its not a career, unless one’s surname is Gandhi and mother is Sonia or the likes…
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Radhika
May 28, 2015
Hey, when did the “1” go out of the moniker?
Being old, I goggled at the “half Captain Kirk, half actual William Shatner” character, I was thinking more 1975 John Wayne-ish
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sanjana
May 28, 2015
Some other careers.
Army or Air force Officer saving the country.
Political career enjoying the ride.
Pilot assuring the passengers and carrying destinities off 100s of passengers which include snooty first class passengers and hassled cattle class.
Censor board chief.
Godman.
Shrink.
Judge or lawyer
Industrialist.
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Irfan Syed
May 28, 2015
Wistful and witty in equal measure.
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Shankar
May 28, 2015
“I teach a course on cinema. I like it, actually. It’s nice to see students slowly opening up the possibility of analysis and deconstruction, and by the end of the class they sometimes begin to “read” the film in a way I may not have done. The interaction is good that way.”
Baddy, college cut adichu thaan cinema parkara pazhakkam. Ada, collegileye cinema kaththu kudutha, super! 🙂
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aparna
May 28, 2015
“And when the crowd thins, you read whatever you want.” is the best bit.
Which library is in the picture?
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Ram Murali
May 28, 2015
Oh, that’s nice to hear, BR. Two questions:
Design q — why is “Reply” enabled on all of the above comments but not yours?
Best,
Ram
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Ram Murali
May 28, 2015
Yikes! That’s the peril of commenting in the midst of sending work-related e-mails.
Note to self- “Best, Ram. Really? Dodo!”
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prasun
May 28, 2015
Even engineering, with its Vernier calipers and its insistence on precision
I thought you were one of those left-a-cushy-software-job-to-pursue-your-passion guys.
Back in the day, when blogs were new, I remember reading blogs of people like that who left software jobs to start restaurants, photography, blogging etc. I had just started working and I used to find such people very interesting. I have this notion that I started reading your blog because of this.
Maybe I am confusing you with somebody else…
BTW, you mentioned deconstruction in one of the comments above. That word always reminds me of this article: https://www.info.ucl.ac.be/~pvr/decon.html
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venkatesh
May 28, 2015
Bran1gan .. haa thats an old reference to BR
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Iswarya
May 28, 2015
Guess he is. I think this piece is relatively impersonal in the sense that he’s not filled it with a lot of auto-bio details that would have distracted readers of the newspaper unfamiliar with his personal stuff.
And thanks so much for that link on deconstruction. I remember I’d read this before ages ago as a young lit-crit student myself but had lost the link. I always thought of it as a useful cautionary piece for amateur deconstructionists against the seductive charms of writing clever-sounding tripe. 🙂
And from what I gathered secondhand, BR’s idea of deconstruction seems what we academics would only label as breaking down into basic elements for analysis, or the ghastly professional phrase, “unpacking meanings.” That’s nowhere near as horrid as the cold-blooded dissect-to-kill approach that is common practice in deconstruction within the circle of the high-priests of the profession. The politically motivated identifying-and-dismantling-of-traditionally-valued-hierarchies-and-binaries (and I’m trying to be as intelligible to the lay reader as possible here) doesn’t seem to form a part of his agenda. Or at least he doesn’t seem to resort to those clever-but-dishonest etymological quibbles that leave you awestruck at the writer’s mental gymnastics, but aghast at his (or her) lack of basic integrity.
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Ram Murali
May 28, 2015
In a lighter vein….
You wrote, “That’s nowhere near as horrid as the cold-blooded dissect-to-kill approach that is common practice in deconstruction within the circle of the high-priests of the profession. The politically motivated identifying-and-dismantling-of-traditionally-valued-hierarchies-and-binaries (and I’m trying to be as intelligible to the lay reader as possible here) doesn’t seem to form a part of his agenda.”
The richness of your English and how slowly I read it reminds of one of my favorite jokes from MMKR:
“You know…he’s misappropriated 25 lakhs of my money…”
“Ai sabaas….nallavaru-ngara?”
“Yoaw…en kittendhu 25 latcham thiruditaan-nu solren!”
“Abba…25 latchamaa? 100 pattani kadan-a adaikalaam yaa!”
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Iswarya V
May 28, 2015
@Ram Murali:
LOL! This is what happens when I write about subjects really close to my heart. I mean, it’s a little paradoxical that I should spout such complicated sentences when I’m so emotionally tied to a subject, but that’s just me, I guess! But somehow, I hope I didn’t end up all that hard-to-parse. Thanks anyway, it’s good to be (very) gently poked sometimes.
(Note to self: Get rid of the hyphens, girl!)
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Iswarya V
May 29, 2015
And the “reply” option doesn’t work beyond the second level of nested comments. Maybe, we could push for just one more level of nesting? Just one, please?
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silverambrosia
May 29, 2015
I’m surprised to hear that you think you couldn’t be a comedian because you couldn’t handle blank faces or people not smiling… As a film critic you generally respond very graciously to robustly or even vehemently expressed criticism. U’ll put your argument down, or may even alter your opinion, but far from from rallying with acerbic comebacks, you rarely seem ruffled. For sure you should consider script-writing, and seem very well placed to jump into that kind of thing…. A lot of films are conceptually interesting but don’t work at the level of the script. I would think that plenty of people from the film industry would be interested in having you help them flesh out their core vision for a film and translate those ideas into an absorbing script. U should go for it Brangan, the end result will in all likelihood be more that just ‘competent’. 🙂
Perhaps you would have liked being a lawyer..there’s a lot of nitty gritty in that as well, but you’d probably enjoy aspects of it. A journalist? You are one already I guess, but researching and writing on other stuff more frequently? Writing a novel seems both intimidating, laborous and fun, but I guess that route should mostly be taken by people who have something they really want to say or communicate to others. I guess most professions do require their practitioners to develop a thick skin at some point..often not that easy to acquire one.
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Santa
May 29, 2015
FWIW, +1 for the new layout.
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silverambrosia
May 29, 2015
That particular process of deconstructing binaries in lit crit has become very predicable and quite tiresome to read. It is now so standard that it’s a wonder that those engaging in it still think they’re being subversive and radical. Perhaps earlier literary criticism was too centered on technique or whether the ‘text’ (text is useful enough shorthard to describe the matter being subjected to analysis) stylistically conformed to narrowly pre-concieved set of criteria. I’m not even sure if this was the case, but if so the trend has sort of swung too far in the opposite direction. One’s personal outlook/ideological leanings will almost invariably have a bearing on how one responds to a text at the most fundamental level. However, dogmatically slotting large swathes of people into ‘oppressor’ and ‘oppressed’ camps and judging work exclusively in terms of how far it can be seen to champion the latter, is reductive and seriously impoverishes film/literary discourse. As the guy mentions in the article Prasun has linked, any genuine evaluation of the intrinsic literary merit or quality of the text almost completely takes a back-seat. The way these binaries have been posited is not only often inaccurate but is also problematic because it presents the members of these different categories as perpetual antagonists and assumes that interaction between them will neccesarily always be characterised by combativeness and a conflict of interest. Particularly in a country as heterogenously constituted as India, looking at issues from this (I think) skewed perspective is hardly conducive to building bridges between disparate groups or bringing people together. It doesn’t have to be men vs. women, majority vs. minority etc.
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Iswarya
May 29, 2015
@silverambrosia:
Absolutely. And the most disheartening factor is that this politically fuelled reading-against-the-grain most often bestows upon the reader (what a favourite critic of mine calls) “a cheaply won moral superiority” over whoever ‘produced the text.’ (What a debased way of referring to an artist or creative writer!)
Further, this snootiness also deflects people away from a genuine love for reading, busy as they are in the self-congratulatory exercise of admiring their own perverse ingenuity. Alas for the day “reading” came to be replaced by “reading-for,” because that meant the doom of any future for serious readership! 😦
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brangan
May 29, 2015
This is the level of nesting that wordpress allows.
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Karthik
May 29, 2015
At first glance, reminded me of the Mouna Ragam library scene where Karthik pursues Revathi.
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brangan
May 29, 2015
Actually, there have been offers to go through scripts and “fix” them (you know, for things like continuity errors, characters doing random things, etc.) — but the money they talk about is lousy, so never got into that.
BTW, this piece is more like a musing, a what-if. It’s not a serious career-change wail 🙂
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brangan
May 29, 2015
Sorry, there’s a setting that lets you specify the number of levels. Just changed it to 5.
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brangan
May 29, 2015
I must say I like these nested comments as a reader, but they make it hell to find the comments you want to respond to. Have to keep scrolling. Well. old dog, new tricks, etc.
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Rahini David
May 29, 2015
SilverAmbrosia: It happens that when a writer gets to take a deep breath and then reply to some vehement criticism, it comes out much better than if it is a face to face conversation when emotical comebacks take the wheel.
Which is why the Blog World is the favourite Arattai Arangam of the Introverts.
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Rahini David
May 29, 2015
Even reading this is a pain, BR.
It is alright after the thread has become cold. But when it is active, it is so difficult to read.
I feel sure I am missing a lot of superb comments because of this.
😦
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Priyangu
May 29, 2015
Ha, truer words were never spoken. I started reading BR stuff, may be, 4-5 years ago. Somehow, he was quite a different person back then, from what was revealed from his writings. I often used to get both amused and irritated. At some point I even decided not to read his opinions anymore. But whenever his new article popped up, I was drawn to it as if it was an Isle of the Sirens. The beauty and style of his English is a such a rare commodity. And of late, I see a massive transformation in him, again, from what is seen from his writings. I too have become an ardent BR fan now, like the rest of ye followers!
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MANK
May 29, 2015
Brangan, absolutely. Earlier we need click the last link in the recent comments section and we will be able to read the latest comments in that thread. But now I get to read only that particular comment. its impossible scrolling around for the others especially if you are working. Pity,I will be missing out on a lot of nice comments
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bart
May 29, 2015
Change on the change – my 2 annas: The new lay out works. Nesting doesn’t… Pain to read the comments scattered everywhere.
Why don’t you conduct a poll for next 3 days or so?
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sanjana
May 29, 2015
The new look is good and gives prominence to the name and it boosts the ego to some extent.
And easy to navigate. I thought the picture was a big Desert Cooler And then it turned out to be a library. One needs a ladder to reach the top portion. But the old look was not bad in the first place.
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venkatesh
May 29, 2015
BR : Bring the old format back i say ,,, this is impossible to read.
Comments are nested but not really so. The level of nesting is 5 deep meaning i have to arbitrarily jump forward and backwards . In the old layout at least if nothing else i knew the latest comments were at the bottom and most of the regulars had a way to respond to a specific comment.
This here now is impossible.
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brangan
May 29, 2015
Okay, couldn’t handle the nesting myself. Back to old comments style.
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Iswarya
May 29, 2015
Yeah.. The thrill of novelty wore off pretty fast. From the one-by-one school stage elocution style that we’ve all gone used to, it was like a party rapidly breaking up into private conversations of 2’s and 3’s. Like channel surfing, you were likely to get more anxious about what you were missing rather than what you were part of. Back to the queue now, hooray! 😀
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Ram Murali
May 29, 2015
@brangan – Sorry for being persistent. I am just really curious! “What’s the movie whose analysis you found to be the most rewarding or stimulating, in your class?”
@Iswarya – No, no…I wasn’t even poking…I genuinely appreciate comments like yours and Ashutosh’s for how you can put such complex constructions together! In Thamizh there’s a phrase, “Pattikaataan Mutaai Kadaiya Paatha Maadhiri!” It was more poking fun @ myself!
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Rahini David
May 29, 2015
Aww, isn’t that just great that we love this blog so much that we cry like an infant that lost it’s soother when even a small change is made. Also that we prefer to read every single comment out there rather than a cluster.
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brangan
May 29, 2015
Ram Murali: Hmmm… I think it was “A Separation.”
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Ram Murali
May 29, 2015
@brangan – thx for the response. I remember Ebert had written a glowing review of this movie…
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silverambrosia
May 30, 2015
Rahini: True. Being able to write a response gives you time to think and reflect. It can go either way though. Sometimes in written comments the recipient can read a hostility which isn’t intended. if the same thing was conveyed verbally the person’s manner of speaking and expressions would diffuse doubts.
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Madhu
May 30, 2015
@Ram Murali: My mother usually says, “pattikaataan pattanam paatha maadhiri” 😀
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Oliver
May 31, 2015
Why not write and direct movies and start the new age in tamil cinemas like Truffaut. Seriously.
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Tina
June 1, 2015
Reminds me of ‘Keep the Aspidistra Flying’. 🙂
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Isaac Benedict
June 2, 2015
“There was a time I dreamed of owning a DVD rental store, stocking the rarest films and dispensing expert advice to customers. Who knew people would begin watching films on their computers? I’d have been bankrupt now.”
I recently watched Nicolas Winding Refn’s sophomore feature “Bleeder” in which Mads Mikkelsen’s character works in a DVD rental store. This isn’t going anywhere but I can totally imagine you, like him, explaining to the customers the various collections available and getting shot down when they are actually looking for something very mundane 😛
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Rahul
June 2, 2015
Classic lament about “other careers”
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Anu Warrier
June 4, 2015
I must say I like these nested comments as a reader, but they make it hell to find the comments you want to respond to. Have to keep scrolling. Well. old dog, new tricks, etc.
In Blogger, the sidebar gives you the recent comments, and if you click on them, it takes you straight to the comment on the page. Doesn’t WordPress do that?
p.s. I hate to be the contrary voice here when everyone is lauding the new design, but I don’t like the sea of white space here, nor the very distracting header that looms large every time I click on a post. 😦
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