Spoilers ahead…
“Jurm ki duniya mujhe gangster ke naam se jaanti hai,” says Himesh Reshammiya’s Raghu in Shawn Arranha’s Teraa Surroor, an in-spirit sequel to 2007’s Aap Kaa Surroor. Looking at the singer-actor, you don’t immediately think gangster. You think sulky schoolboy with facial paralysis who wandered into a broom closet and came out wearing a mop on his head. But think about it – gangster makes sense. Reshammiya, after all, has assassinated several members of the octave. And the masked villain stands by a floodlit window and plays a guitar. No, that sentence is no mistake. This is a motif in the film. After a few scenes, we cut, without rhyme or reason, to this image – only, the instrument changes every time. So where were we? Ah, octave assassination. So we wonder if there’s something fresh in store. Maybe this gangster’s mode of operation is to tie his victims to a chair and launch into really high-pitched songs. But alas, Raghu simply wields a gun. And the masked villain stands by a floodlit window and plays the drums.
Then there’s Tara (Farah Karimaee), Raghu’s fiancée. He tells her he had a one-night stand (the woman was on top, in case you’re wondering) and she says she’s going to Ireland. We’re stumped for a second. So that’s what people are doing these days? Admissions of infidelity are being countered by air tickets to Dublin and Galway? And the masked villain stands by a floodlit window and plays the flute. So where were we? Ah, the one-night stand. It doesn’t even make sense. All Raghu wanted was to insert an explosive chip into the woman’s phone. Why go a step further, with another kind of inserting? Maybe it’s a message to the audience that Himesh Reshammiya is a sexual being too. Those must be some really nasal orgasms. Anyway, Tara gets caught for drug-trafficking. And the masked villain stands by a floodlit window and plays the sax.
The film is about the hunt for a mystery man named Aniruddh Brahmin, Aniruddh Brahmin, Aniruddh Brahmin, Aniruddh Brahmin. They keep chanting his name like a mantra. He’s to be found if Tara is to be freed. But Raghu has other plans. He visits Santino (Naseeruddin Shah), a prisoner he found out about through a billboard, and gets tips on escape plans. Looking at these two share a frame is to reimagine the restaurant scene in Heat with Al Pacino sitting across Zac Efron. And the masked villain stands by a floodlit window and plays the cello. Reshammiya is ambitious. He wants us to believe he has Anil Kapoor’s Janbaaz-era swagger. Ek goli daali, paanch ghar khaali… Meanwhile Shekhar Kapoor, playing the Indian ambassador, says, “I guess that’s why they say, ‘Don’t ever give a bad girl a good boyfriend’.” Who’s ‘they’? Are people saying this? Monica Dogra is there. Shernaz Patel is there too. As Raghu and Tara try to flee the country, we think of possible sequels. Uskaa Surroor. Iskaa Surroor. Sab Kaa Surroor. Baba Ramdev Kaa Surroor. And the masked villain stands by a floodlit window and plays the bongos.
KEY:
- Surroor = Intoxication of love.
- “Jurm ki duniya mujhe gangster ke naam se jaanti hai,” = The world of crime knows me as a gangster.
- Aap Kaa Surroor = see here
Copyright ©2016 Baradwaj Rangan. This article may not be reproduced in its entirety without permission. A link to this URL, instead, would be appreciated.
Raj Balakrishnan
March 13, 2016
I couldn’t stop laughing. Thanks for brightening my day.
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sanjana
March 13, 2016
Shekhar Kapoor, Naseeruddin Shah, Monica Dogra in such a film. Pity!
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Gradwolf
March 13, 2016
Hahaha you at least had a choice! Hahahaha tell me about it. Also I didn’t notice that instruments changed. I was too preoccupied by that shot where he is randomly sitting in some valley supposedly brooding and also counting how many dubbing gaffes Monica Dogra piled up.
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Sreedhar
March 13, 2016
My God! Bad movies bring out the badass in you…. 😀
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Anuja Chandramouli
March 13, 2016
I love every single one of your Himesh Reshammiya film reviews. This one was a hoot and you killed it with nasal orgasms while evoking empathy for the dearly departed members of the Octave that Reshammiya has ruthlessly murdered. Damm! I can’t stop laughing. Hate to repay you with this, but hope Himesh makes many more movies for you to review!! Now excuse me, I have to go reread your Aap Ka Suroor review.
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brangan
March 13, 2016
Anuja Chandramouli: Thank you. But seriously speaking, these are really tough reviews to write. Because a straightforward discussion of the film would just be boring and bland. You have to find some kind of thread to carry your points (about plot, cast, etc.) through till the end. Luckily, there was that villain by the window 😀
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sanjana
March 13, 2016
I am counting. And the masked villain stands by a floodlit window and plays the next musical instrument. You said there are no jokes! But only jokers? And a name like Aniruddh Brahmin!
This review is to be treasured and read whenever I am depressed. Like those Wodehouse novels and stories.
Thanks. And Naseeruddin Shah and Shekhar Kapoor in this film!
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sanjana
March 13, 2016
And the masked villain stands by a floodlit window and plays a guitar.
And the masked villain stands by a floodlit window and plays the drums.
And the masked villain stands by a floodlit window and plays the flute.
And the masked villain stands by a floodlit window and plays the sax.
And the masked villain stands by a floodlit window and plays the cello.
And the masked villain stands by a floodlit window and plays the bongos.
Set a tune and sing it standing by a floodlit window.
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Karthik
March 13, 2016
I have my own personal theory, now that Himesh has done at least 4 such inter-continental monstrosities (Aap Ka Surroor, Karzzzz, Kajraare and Teraa Surroor) – that this is perhaps a super ingenious way to convert black money to white… on the lines of the film Rajinikanth makes in Arunachalam.
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soumyabharathi
March 13, 2016
BR, no other critic that I can think of has this rare ability to turn reviews of awfully terrible movies into side splitting, amusingly drafted humour pieces… I often wonder is there any special preparation you do before watching these movies? Like turn on some invisible switch in your mind that automatically converts senseless screen time into hilariously funny one liners?
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Radhika
March 13, 2016
Hi BR,
This was fun to read. Especially the closing line… इसका सूरूर, उसका सूरूर… 😆
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venkatesh
March 13, 2016
I love it – If Zalman King was making movies now i suspect this is how they would look.
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Kay
March 13, 2016
That’s got to be one of the funniest movie reviews out there! 😂😂 Maybe you should tag them as Badass Reviews.
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Shalini
March 13, 2016
“Maybe this gangster’s mode of operation is to tie his victims to a chair and launch into really high-pitched songs.”
Wonder why this MO hasn’t been tried? Death by bad music. Could have Himesh on one side and Salma Agha on the other wailing to a Bhoppida special.
So, what’s your favorite “so bad it’s good” film? Mine’s probably the Neetu Singh, Randhir Kapoor starrer “Jaan-e-Jaan…has a taxidermied Gufi Paintal. 😯 Memsaab did a howlarious review of it on her blog a few years back.
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Radhika
March 13, 2016
At last, one of your funny ones! the murder of the octave was hilarious
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Sanjiv Khamgaonkar
March 13, 2016
Haha, nice! Especially your first paragraph! It’s got some precious lines in there
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Santosh Kumar T K
March 13, 2016
something divine at play that this movie was released on the 13th for after all 13 is the cube root of suroor ( an old one)?!
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praneshp
March 14, 2016
Pretty sure this one isn’t going to show up in The Hindu …..
@karthik: I’m sure every movie has a black->white conversion factor. Maybe this one, Saahasam, etc are made with just conversion as a goal, but I don’t see how spending 10Cr in black and getting back 0.5 or so in white is good. I hope I’m off by a lot.
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Sifter
March 14, 2016
Monday morning and started irritating, but by gosh if this didn’t make me laugh out loud. I made the right decision ! Thank you.
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tonks
March 14, 2016
This review made me check out the 2007 review of Aap kaa surroor and the last paragraph was hilarious :
I think its safe to say that not since Darth Vader has there been so much curiosity about what lies under a man’s headgear. Is he bald? Is he incubating eggs up there? Is he secretly housing Lord Voldemort? The answer, I hear, will be revealed in a sequel
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Santa
March 14, 2016
LOL! What a review 🙂
The part about assassination through bad music reminded me of Vogon poetry in Hitchhiker’s Guide.
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Kay
March 14, 2016
ROTFL!! Tonks, thank you for posting the link. 😂😂😂 Incubating eggs, Lord Voldemort! 😂😂
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rekha
March 14, 2016
Thanks Himesh….. you brought out the best of BR Saar. Hope you make atleast one movie a month.
@BR Saar…… your curse…. our boon😜
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sanjana
March 14, 2016
Admissions of infidelity are being countered by air tickets to Dublin and Galway?
So where were we? Ah, the one-night stand.
All Raghu wanted was to insert an explosive chip into the woman’s phone. Why go a step further, with another kind of inserting?
Ranganisms?
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rekha
March 14, 2016
@sanjana
No.
BR anga nisms😣
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Deepak
March 14, 2016
Oh god, this might be your most hilarious movie review by far. “Baba Ramdev ki….!” 😉
On another note, Alistair Maclean’s “Puppet on a Chain” had a villain who attempts to drive his enemies mad by tying them to a chair in a roomful of clocks set to go off at the same time and the noise amplified and fed via headphones to their ears. This was what I thought of the first time I heard one of Himesh bhai’s songs.
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Abhi T
March 14, 2016
Guys in case you didn’t know, “Baba Ramdev Kaa Surroor” is available at nearest retail outlet under the Patanjali brand. Please check out the Health and Well-being section. 🙂
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sridharraman
March 14, 2016
Hilarious review, @brangan! 🙂
Also, a nice personal touch for me as well – we moved to Galway six months back. Never thought it would be mentioned in a Hindi movie review and that too in one featuring Himesh! [unnecessary technicality alert – the airport here isn’t really functional, so unlikely for tickets to be purchased. :P]
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Ashok
March 14, 2016
“Reshammiya, after all, has assassinated several members of the octave.”
several noted members if I may add……
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Madan
March 14, 2016
The film may have been too bad to be funny for you but your review certainly couldn’t have been much funnier! Your Aapka Suroor review is also funny but this was like non stop ROFL. Of all the lines, “Those must be some really nasal orgasms” was the deadliest! 😀
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Nilesh
March 15, 2016
Apparently found out your blogs are injurious to health:
Almost spilled the hot coffee from mug at this line: “Why go a step further, with another kind of inserting? Those must be some really nasal orgasms.”
That’s such a punch, it could break anyone’s and everyone’s surroor for once and all 🙂
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Jeyashree
March 15, 2016
” sulky schoolboy with facial paralysis who wandered into a broom closet and came out wearing a mop on his head”
from there to the end I had tears overflowing as a consequence to muted laughter lying next to my sleeping toddler…thanks for the hilarious review
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Amit Joki
March 15, 2016
BR I have heard a great deal about Pichaikaaran.
Is there any chance you would review it?
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Amit Joki
March 15, 2016
Oops, my bad. Sorry never saw that you had already reviewed it.
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Gayathri
March 16, 2016
What a review. I am sitting in office, grinning like a loon. Thanks for gifting a smile.
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sachita
March 16, 2016
I love how half of the funny lines are real plot points from the movie.. from Ireland to shekar kapur’s line about bad girlfriend.
I had to head back and read your ‘shakala boom boom’ review. Particularly this line, “Darshan is one of those directors whose work you have to be very careful about panning â for, you never know, heâll come out with something worse the next time around and make you look back fondly on the lesser atrocity that was the previous film.”
Darshan and himesh movies bring out the wittiest reviews from you.
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Raj Balakrishnan
March 16, 2016
Hi Baradwaj, will you be reviewing Kung Fu Panda 3 anytime soon.
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KayKay
March 16, 2016
Damn! Now if ONLY……..the masked villain stood by the moonlit window….while SHE played the flute…..this piece of cinematic turd might have something to offer 🙂
I wonder if Himesh is the closest equivalent the North has to TRR in terms of the almost surreal badness of his movies?
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mary kutty
March 17, 2016
Did Naseer really need immediate cash for something? Still surreal to think of Himesh and Naseer in the same frame in a movie.
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sanjana
March 17, 2016
He stood by the blah blah blah. While the masked vamp played the blah.
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Deepak
March 18, 2016
Just noticed Himes bhai holding a gun to his head in the poster above. He is such a tease!
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Srinivas R
March 18, 2016
This review led me to “Aap Ka Suroor” and what do I see there? BR labeling Hansika Motwani “impressive” :). BR, you should have taken that interview gig after all 🙂
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SANTINO
March 18, 2016
The sad part is that this will still make 15 crs at the box office & recover its money while a “Titli” did not even crack 3 crs!!!!! Audience is khajoooorr!!!!!
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Flickside
March 19, 2016
#WhenReviewsAreMoreEntertainingThanTheFilm Oops! Did I just call ‘Terra Surroor’ entertaining? But seriously, sympathies with you for having to sit through ‘films’ like these. #OccupationalHazards 🙂
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Ashok
March 19, 2016
@brangan – I just learned that you went to BITS, Pilani and now it all makes sense. We loved watching these so-bad-they-are-awesome movies. For every inane dialog or situation, we would be instantly rewarded with creative and witty one liners volleyed back from all across the audi (our beloved movie theater). Every bad dialog would be milked for banter. While we appreciated good movies, we truly feasted on Tera Saroor type of movies. It is great to see you carry that sensibility to these reviews.
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