The title can also be extrapolated to mean… The Great Indian Traditional Patriarchal Household. This is the kind of setup where the men retire after a certain age, but the women never do.
Spoilers ahead…
In The Great Indian Kitchen, written and directed by Jeo Baby, Nimisha Sajayan plays… I don’t remember her name. And that, perhaps, is the point. She is Everywoman. One day, she’s in a dance class, clearly enjoying herself. The next instant, she’s having an awkward meeting with Suraj Venjaramoodu, who plays… again, I don’t remember the name. And that, perhaps, is the point, too. He is Everyman. And bam! They’re married with the abruptness of a jump cut (it actually feels like one), and soon, she’s seen entering his ancestral home, his tharavad. Her life changes as suddenly as her wedding happened. But like any Everywoman in a patriarchal society, she’s been brainwashed with “help your mother-in-law in the kitchen”-type advice, and that’s what she does. Uncomplainingly. Smilingly. At least for a while..
But flash back to that early scene of this woman at her dance class, and you’ll remember the stretch being intercut with shots of food being prepared. That remains a stylistic motif throughout. Our Everywoman is from a “Gulf family”, and she was probably not inducted all that much into “great Indian kitchen duties” — but now, in her new home, that is all she does. It’s not just that tea has to be made. It’s also that it has to be served to her Everyman. It’s also that that mug has to be washed and put away. And then, the floors have to be swept and mopped. And the clothes have to be washed. And…
Read the rest of this article at the link above.
Copyright ©2021 Film Companion.
Baradwaj Rangan 
Sudha
January 15, 2021
Excellent review BR. I am looking forward to watching this film. I watched the trailer and it was riveting. In the comments below in YouTube (I know, my fault for glancing at the abyss), there were many comments that echoed this sentiment, ‘men go to work, and they do their part, why are we glorifying the role of womEn’, and I wanted to punch through my screen.
I apologize for getting personal, but here goes:
I grew up poor. 7 people in a tiny run down house in crowded Madras. My father was the youngest of 14 kids. He was afraid of his mom and dad (my grandparents) and his sisters and brothers.
So when he got married my mom was expected to cook, clean, make coffee, wash dishes, wash the communal toilets, and bathrooms every single day. Not just for the 7 people in the house; but for all the relatives and extended family whose life centered around this tiny run down house. She had to stand and serve the men of the house, couldn’t eat before they finish their meals, usually around 4pm. She had to make coffee and snacks for about 10 people on the day she aborted her third child (would have been my younger sister).
She once had to eat a small Dosa in the toilet; the hunger was unbearable. (And you can imagine the state of those communal toilets some 30 years ago. It still gives me nightmares).
Of course no one could know. How could she eat before the elders and the men! The horror! It was a Brahmin household which meant pooja every single day and observing all sorts of weird traditions and auspicious days.
My grandparents and dad’s family hated my mom as they thought she’d rip the family apart by moving out with my dad. My mom was a graduate, B’com (first class). Grandpa didn’t allow her to go to a job; women shouldn’t work.
There were countless emotional abuse, insecurity, suspicions, accusations of theft and the list just goes on. Many I’ve witnessed personally.
Most of the perpetrators are dead now or dying. Grandma had dementia at the end and thought I was her husband. (Yes, it was incredible weird). Mom carried everything within her. She’d occasionally rant about her past and what she had to go through. I grew up watching everything, but I couldn’t do or say anything. Now I can. So I tried to remind some old family members (whoever’s left) of what they did to my mom. All very old. They were surprised and said they couldn’t remember any conflict. There was none from their perspective. All they retained from those days were laughters and the endless filter coffees and delicious meals.
My mom always wanted to go to the beach. She never did until I grew up and took her to the beach. All she saw in her life was shitload of temples and vile patriarchy. These days we talk a lot. She lets out a lot of traumatic stuff and I listen as much as I am able. It’s incredibly painful to even listen.
So when some people gloat about how India has minimal divorce rates and strong marriages, I want to line them up and punch them like Ramarajan. There are millions of these “Great Indian Kitchens” all over our great nation. It’s absolutely nothing like men going to their jobs and coming back home. I am aware that not all families carry this sort of trauma. But I am not naive enough to believe the glitz and glee that they always try to portray in films like ‘Kadaikutty Singam’ or whatever. The myth of ‘Kootu Kudumbam’. There’s always some silent losers that we are never allowed to hear from.
PS: About men characters in the film being one dimensional, maybe it’s not a bad thing. My grandpa, grandma and my dad, all of them in their own fucked up way, thought they were good people.
I apologize to have burdened you with this long rant.
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krishikari
January 15, 2021
Does this belong in the “female emancipation” genre or the “men are useless” genre? That one started with the most classic of malayalam movies: Elipathayam.
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Venky Ramachandran
January 16, 2021
yay! I am glad you loved the movie 🙂 My friend did the subtitling for the film!
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brangan
January 16, 2021
Sudha: Thank you so much for sharing that. Even my mother (though we were more middle-class) has been through such indignities, I keep thinking back on them and wondering how people around her felt they could get away with such behaviour.
The worst thing is that these “indignities” are not outright beatings and stuff. They are just small cuts to the soul, and I cannot believe how they must have accumulated over the years.
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Deeps
January 16, 2021
Just finished watching it. Excellent movie and great review.
Growing up in eastern Kerala, we used to get cold weather and very cold water most time of the year in our place. We were a family seriously into non-veg food.. I remember the dinner plates, serving bowls and spoons, cooking vessels, kitchen sink, scrubbing pad… almost everything in our kitchen will have stuck on animal grease after the cooking, serving and eating as the weather used to be really cold.. Hot water and gas stove were considered luxury those days and i remember the effort and pain my mom had to put towards the cleaning just to repeat the same process next day. And everyone else in the family including me offering very little help to her 😒
Years later she once came to the country where I live currently and she couldn’t believe hot water is easily available in every household and faucets.
By then I was so used to using the dishwasher but she insisted on hand washing the vessels and plates after dinner.
I seriously couldn’t believe she still wanted to do it and what she said stunned me more.. she said, for the very first time in her life she has realized cleaning is easy as the hot water is easily available and she doesn’t feel like doing a chore anymore.
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Sudha
January 16, 2021
@BR – Small cuts to the soul. That’s exactly it. I feel like these cuts force them to stray away from who they really are; their true personalities. Who is my mom really? Apart from being a homemaker, the wife, the daughter in law, the mother. I figured that she really likes travelling and other cultures, yet Tirupathi temple is the extent of her travels.
When we were sitting on the marina beach, looking at the sprawling ocean, she wondered about the other side of the ocean; what country, what are the people like, their culture etc. She is curious.
I am lucky to have lived in many parts of the world. When I tell her stories about the crowded Hanoi Old Quarters or blithering cold in Yukon, she has this wide eyed wonder. I want her to experience at least some of these adventures. I was planning to take her to Vietnam. Then Covid hit. Hopefully soon!
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krishikari
January 16, 2021
@Sudha PS: About men characters in the film being one dimensional, maybe it’s not a bad thing. My grandpa, grandma and my dad, all of them in their own fucked up way, thought they were good people.
So much agree with this. Thanks for sharing your mother’s story and especially for not holding back on the strong language! Your anger makes that comment sing!
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Kaveri
January 16, 2021
I just watched the film. I wished the Aiyappan angle was kept out of the film. The patriarchy and menstruation angle were enough material i thought. Otherwise i loved the film. Was happy to a see a relatable looking actress. Beautiful cinematography. Apt ending. And all those things about the lingering smell in the fingers, disgust at clearing out the sink etc – easy to dismiss as exaggeration but so real.
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Kaveri
January 16, 2021
Thanks Sudha for sharing. And for pointing the one dimensional representation of men in the film is not a bad thing. Sometimes people are really that bad.
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Sudha
January 16, 2021
@Krishikari – Yeah I was wondering whether the strong language would get my comment booted out. Glad to see it didn’t.
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v.vijaysree
January 17, 2021
sorry @sudha. we were all so powerless then. I hope you get to take your mother to many, many places and I hope she enjoys the travel.
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ravenus1
January 17, 2021
@Sudha: A very emotional piece, which strikes at the heart with its honesty and eloquence. Thank you for this.
@Krishikari: I would not regard Elipatthayam specifically as a “men are useless” theme. I think it more represented the decay of the feudal system, where a privileged class eventually falls into ruin because of its inability adapt to changing circumstances and stand on its own feet.
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Voldemort
January 17, 2021
Sudha, Deeps – Thank you for sharing your experiences.
The worst thing is that these “indignities” are not outright beatings and stuff. They are just small cuts to the soul, and I cannot believe how they must have accumulated over the years.
All they retained from those days were laughters and the endless filter coffees and delicious meals.
Very very true. Its sad to think that almost all of our mothers – whether educated or not, working or not, would have gone through these indignities.
It’s reviews like this one and these comments that make your blog a truly unique place, BR. 2020 was a real hectic year for me personally, and on the workfront. But the one place that I used to frequent without fail was this blog. Thank you for this great community.
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krishikari
January 18, 2021
@ravenus Yes of course, what you say is correct. I was being a bit facetious in my comment. However, inability adapt to changing circumstances and stand on its own feet = ineptitude or being useless and it was specifically the man of the house being shown that way.
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Anu Warrier
January 18, 2021
Sudha, that was… powerful. And tragic. And yet, oh-so-normal. My mother faced this, and we are middle-class. I did, to some extent, though I pushed back. But I have seen the death by a thousand cuts. The silence, the endurance (until it can’t be held back any more), the bitterness. It taints everything and everyone. But can you blame them?
A hug of understanding and shared sisterhood, if it helps. Thank you for sharing.
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neabs
January 19, 2021
What a great tale this was…I really liked how the movie delivered what it intended to without getting too dramatic .
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filmarcher
January 19, 2021
Check out what Indra Nooyi says at 3:34 (timestamp). This is what Indra Nooyi’s mom said to her the day she received the news that she was going to be appointed as the President of PepsiCo. Are the pressures and stresses of running a successful MNC different for the different genders? Why should Indra Nooyi have to “leave her crown in the garage” and tie on her apron, while the man was considered “tired” after a full day of work? There are still very many Indian kitchens …..even outside the country! Nothing really changes. Men talk about change….but never really change.
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Rajesh
January 19, 2021
Dear Sir, Many years back I had commented here how 80’s saw the best of Malayalam cinema. May I happily correct myself. The time is now, with so many movies which would have never came out in the 80’s being made (Malayalam still dont have the courage to venture into the caste subject like Tamil or Marathi do, but ..).
For me this was such a powerful movie. I feel so happy this happened and agree with your review, except for the point about Suraj’s character being one diamensional. I know worse men in such tharavads, including my own family, who pretend to be liberals and what not when they are out of home. Only 42 to 45% of Indian women (schooled or illiterate) even have
‘permission’ to go out of home alone. the important word is ‘Permission’.
For me, the video posting incident was the one which stood out and took away the near perfection of this cinema.
@Sudha – with a few changes here and there, you wrote my story. I did few things for my mother too, which she had not even imagined she could do during her poverty ridden youth, but you know what, the decades long slavery in the home, had kind of made her heart ice cold and she had forgotton how to appreciate things. Romba Nandri for your story. Yes, the old quarters of Hanoi and a night walk by the lantern filled streets and riverside of Hoi An, would be amazing for your mother who wondered what is on the other side of the sea.
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brangan
January 19, 2021
Rajesh: Just to clarify, I’m just talking about the Man in terms of screenwriting and character-building. I think I’d made the same point in my review of LIPSTICK UNDER MY BURKHA. I feel that a simple touch — say, he buys flowers for her every day — would make his character much more interesting.
Because in his eyes, he is being a “loving husband” — and yet, he is really being his father’s son.
I am not at all saying such men do not exist, but when writing for the screen, I like my characters to have flavour, nuance…
But yes, the first half hour was superb because it focused on her. The subsequent 40-minutes lost a bit — only a bit — because they tried to shoehorn in Sabarimala and all. It looked like something sent to “inspire” her, “save” her…
Again, it’s a screenwriting thing. I don’t object to the presence of this plot point at all. I just didn’t think it was woven in organically.
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Rajesh
January 19, 2021
Sir, thanks for the kind reply and I understand what you mean.
But here again, I can show you men, whom I recollect from my childhood, who never did such a thing as buying flowers for her or any such thing that would have made the character interesting. For many men, especially in the terribly Brahminised Keralan soceity (even the Shudra Nairs who idolise them and orthodox Christians who lives kind of same) there only duty to wife is to make sure they give them some money every month for meeting all expenses, ensure kids are made or prove their might as male in the bed (even if they have no clue about female pleasures – I loved it that this cinema went there as well) and so on, but out of home would glorify his family and himself (the school scene here). I agree with you, but still feel the writer had every reason to do it this way. :)-
For someone who grew up in a terribly fanatic but poor nair home, I am fully with the writer for using Sabarimala. For it was on such special occassions, a happy function or a sad time in the home or the festival in nearby temple or the Sabarimala time when someone in family is on penance, when I hated this ‘purity’ issue in my own home, even if in those days I had no deep knowledge of it at all and was made to understood that was the right thing to maintain purity.
I cried, when my grandfather died but my helpless mother had to stay very very far away from the dead body as she was having period those days.
Sorry, I am just trying to say that a special event or moment in the home is when this bloody purity issue goes to a really another level of oppression or violence upon women. They might be allright to bear with all those nonsense in a normal homely scenario, but the special times would definitely make themselves feel extremely bad. I am sure many women in the 80;s would have loved to scream or go violent or explode or whatever..
Hence may I say the writer knew the surroundings and the deep culture of our homes only so well.. So am sorry I cannot agree with you, but understand your thoughts :)-.
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krishikari
January 20, 2021
Going out on a limb here. Malayali men don’t buy flowers. I know it is common for Tamil men to bring home flowers in the evening, and that’s very charming but in a Malayalam film this would look weird I think. Happy to be corrected.
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Anu Warrier
January 20, 2021
Thirding Rajesh and Krishikari – Malayali men don’t buy flowers. Indeed, I don’t think wearing flowers in our hair is a regular Malayali trait anyway. At least, in my house, it wasn’t. It was usually a couple of sprigs of tulsi leaves when you finish your bath. Strands of jasmine were generally reserved for weddings.
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brangan
January 21, 2021
Oh man. I guess all you missed the “say” in this statement:
I feel that a simple touch — say, he buys flowers for her every day — would make his character much more interesting.
I was only talking about a small redeeming aspect (if not flowers, something else) in terms of screenwriting, for the FILM, even though such men as shown here are the norm.
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krishikari
January 21, 2021
I didn’t miss it, just wanted to add another crap thing about malayali men. 🙂
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Satya
January 21, 2021
So here “say” was intended to be used as “like”
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v.vijaysree
January 22, 2021
just wanted to say, apropos nothing this buying flowers for women is over-rated. I personally don’t care for flowers all that much and I am sure many other women feel that way….
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Anu Warrier
January 22, 2021
BR – didn’t miss it. I was just adding my two paise to Krishikari’s tangent. 🙂 🙂
@Vijayshree – come into my arms! 🙂 Never thought much of it either. I mean, I like flowers, but it’s not this grand romantic gesture for me. (But then, I never thought much about candlelit dinners either – I want to see what I’m eating! I like food too much!)
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v.vijaysree
January 24, 2021
@Anuwarrier we should meet at Walden Pond this summer :-). and go eat at some nice well-lit place …
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v.vijaysree
January 28, 2021
In this context, a Tamil woman who is now 70+ writes a poem on where/when her poetry died. Her daughter translates.
One died when my grandmother praised
the neat way I folded the clothes.
A couple when I picked up the ladle,
Sorry for my mother
Who struggled with my brothers’ voracious greed
And my father’s fastidious tongue.
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krishikari
January 29, 2021
@v. vijaysree wow, that was powerful.
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krishikari
January 29, 2021
Strangely, i just came across comments about the poet Emerenz Meier you, anu and maddy spoke about on this thread: https://baradwajrangan.wordpress.com/2020/10/24/readers-write-in-289-aims-a-memoir/?unapproved=152335&moderation-hash=6f1e28cee7158757382ca017cc1667f6#comment-152335
It also bring to mind this book: Women writing in India from 600BC to the present. Some of them wrote poetry in secret, late at night after the work was done.
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Anu Warrier
January 29, 2021
@Vijayshree – of course! Hopefully, we will be able to go out again – in peace!
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Apu
January 29, 2021
Nothing much to add here but just wanted to thank @Sudha and @Deeps for sharing.
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v.vijaysree
January 29, 2021
Thanks for listening Krishikari. I do have that book Women writing in India from 600BC and will go re-read. “My father’s fastidious tongue” — that phrase just killed me.
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aravind86
February 2, 2021
The ending for the movie was ‘marvellous’ as BR says, when I watched it. But looking back, and borrowing from BR’s recent interview with Alisha Tejpal on Lata – a short that seems to have eerie similarities – what if at the end, instead of her getting out of the house and moving on to become the dance teacher, she stays back due to (fill up the blanks – loyalty to husband, society’s perception etc) and becomes another version of her mother-in-law and continues to slave at the house? Wondering if that would have had a greater impact on the audience to show that despite everything, the chain continues. The current celebratory ending is the one we needed, but maybe not the one we deserved.
Quoting from BR’s other interview for context :
BR : I thought you were going to end on a celebratory note, with Lata dancing at the Ganpati gathering. But then, you cut back to the stillness of the house at night.
Alisha :From the beginning, I was very clear that I didn’t want to make it the kind of film that ends with a freeze frame on a dancing Lata.
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krishikari
February 2, 2021
Great comment aravind86. I wonder if watching this movie would change the behaviour of any men.
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vijay
March 22, 2021
Yes, definitely men sharing in responsibilities of kitchen and women following the career of their choice is the right message!
Now how about a movie on abolition of burqa and ending indignity of polygamy and also the extensive practice of dowry among Kerala Christians. I think those are most regressive practices against women and still legal.
Surprised there are no movies on those topics too.. are any such movies underway? Does anyone know? Forget about a movie.. polygamy should be a jail-able offence like in the rest of the civilised world. And burqa and dowry should be socially taboo and eradicated.
‘Sharing kitchen duties’ is a soft target in a country where Polygamy and Dowry is common practice!
Go women!
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